Happy 2021, everybody! (I can still wish everyone a Happy New Year until next Friday, after which, it’s just weird.)
Thank you for starting your year with the funniest tweets from women, I promise you’ll enjoy most of them, if not all of them, or your money back.
Also PSA: These creators work hard to bring you the funny, so do them and us a favor and follow literally all of them on Twitter.
Where do I invest in making these a reality?
warm & toasty pic.twitter.com/FOpjRETAX1
— Nicole McLaughlin (@nicolemclovin) December 29, 2020
It’s called self-care, look it up.
Closure isn’t real. Cut your hair, get a tattoo, rob a bank and start dating again.
— m i s h (@_moimichelle) December 27, 2020
I just like the suspense.
I love hitting a paywall and being like "guess we'll never know"
— aubrey (@aubreybell) December 29, 2020
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled.
there is no greater lie than me calling my yoga pants "yoga pants"
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 29, 2020
This is not the time for jokes.
when i got my first gyno exam as a teenager, the gynecologist asked me what I wanted to do for a career. I said I wanted to be an artist. Then while checking my cervix she said- “i wanted to be a muppeteer”.
— 𝕷𝖎𝖘𝖆 𝕯𝖚𝕭𝖔𝖎𝖘 (@joaniejabronie) December 27, 2020
I’ll take 1M.
I kind of expected this.
wowww it’s 2021 here in korea!! wanna know what the future is like?!!
– it is dark out
– everyone is asian
– my grandma is gently snoring
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 31, 2020
Cash me on the Twitters.
hi friends- for the new year I’m taking a break from life so I can focus on social media. if you need me you can find me here, constantly
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 31, 2020
It’s all part of the “process”
I am a WRITER ok I open up my little computer when I have an IDEA and then I BUY THINGS on the INTERNET
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) December 29, 2020
I am simply saying that if Jesus only had 12 followers maybe he was a bot
— Grace Bahler (@oatmilkforever) December 24, 2020
These birds have no idea how hard I’m gonna pound them with my eyes.
I bought myself binoculars for an early birthday gift. Bout to watch tf out of these birds.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) December 30, 2020
OK I’ll say it I can’t wait for 2021 to be over
— Caroline Moss (@CarolineMoss) December 31, 2020
E-Cities are the future.
anyone: happy nye
my brain: happy new york ecity
— Hillary (not sara) (@smithsara79) January 1, 2021
Took me a minute.
Elf on the shelf? Get ready for 🤑🤑🤑: pic.twitter.com/k0hE1xxH1B
— The Nostalgia Queen ➐ 👸🏽 (@Snow_Blacck) December 31, 2020
Tell me her name! I have a right to know!
can’t trust a guy who faces the other way whilst you’re sleeping. what’s over there? other women??
— ً (@tularosaax) December 27, 2020
Please don’t message me the price, thanks.
I assume a Peloton is like $10,000
so every time a person I know buys one I’m like holy shit is everyone a millionaire?! I will not look up the actual price
— amil (@amil) December 27, 2020
How do I tell my boyfriend that I want him to scream at me in bed like he’s Gordon Ramsey and I am a little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée
— IG: clarkebetz 🕊 (@dovenymph) December 31, 2020
They’re really piling up at this point.
R.I.P. 2020 (2020 – 2020)
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 31, 2020