Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
productivity tip!!!
1. write down everything u want to do today
2. only one of those will get done
3. choose one item
4. it wont be that one— heeeere’s jomny sun (@jonnysun) October 23, 2017
it’s the kind of rainy autumn day where you get a warm cup of tea and a good book, and curl up by the window… hope your boss doesn’t notice…
— JokerKaren (@batkaren) October 24, 2017
MOM: Now that your father is gone, it’s time you took over the family business.
SON: But I don’t wanna be a guillotine tester.
— RedruM (@dorsalstream) October 25, 2017
A chicken is an egg vending machine.
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 25, 2017
one or two questions about the third picture pic.twitter.com/lrSxa2TEO9
— s(kel)eton (@ohheyohhihello) April 2, 2017
[band practice]
ME: I want a solo
GUITARIST: you play the tambourine
ME: yeah but *shaking tambourine really fast* check this shit out— rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) October 19, 2017
One day I will push this button in the elevator and receive my free fireman hat pic.twitter.com/VEf8biylRH
— Fun Size. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) July 13, 2017
I hate when someone asks me what I’m “thinking about.” I’m fuckin thinking about “Africa” by Toto
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) June 30, 2017
Hang on. Frogger was trying to get to the office? This is depressing pic.twitter.com/5ozzL0LxDh
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) October 23, 2017
Don’t 👏dress 👏as 👏a 👏skeleton 👏for 👏Halloween 👏if 👏you’re 👏not 👏actually 👏a 👏👏skeleton 👏that’s 👏skulltural 👏appropriation 👏
— Mayor P (@punmagnate) October 26, 2017
[Does anything incorrectly] Well now I have to hate myself forever
— Michael, still here (@Home_Halfway) October 20, 2017
There’s no place for me in this world, a guy who liked Stranger Things but doesn’t want to be made aware of every moment in the cast’s life.
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) October 26, 2017
ME: (on my fifth attempt to parallel park)
OTHER PARAMEDIC: He’s bleeding out back here!
ME: I got this!— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) October 21, 2017
just spilled a La Croix on the ground and now the rug is thinking about doing a podcast on different types of artisanal cheeses
— Mr. Sweet Girl (@KimmyMonte) October 25, 2017
Types of spiders:
-Shower lifeguard
-Windshield daredevil
-Big ol’ son of a bitch
-Mailbox lurker
-Surprise—this is my bedroom now!— Kristin (@FeralCrone) October 15, 2017
If you need even more, you can check out last week’s top tweets.
