Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the top tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
What if Lois Lane was never fooled by Superman’s shoddy disguise, she just pretended for his sake because the male ego is so fragile
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) June 4, 2018
SOCRATES: The only thing I know is that I know nothing.
ME: Aw, hey, don’t say that. You know things.
SOCRATES: No, I meant—
ME: If you want I can teach you some stuff.
SOCRATES:
ME:
SOCRATES:
ME: *Points* That’s a tree.— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) March 29, 2018
*in dentist chair w/tools in mouth*
*”Livin’ on a Prayer” comes on*
*panics*
*eyes dart rapidly*
WHOAAA IFFIN AWW A PAIR
(spit flying)— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) September 19, 2016
You (dumb, thinks 2 wrongs make a right): I only smoke when I drink.
Me (smart, knows health): I only smoke when I eat chicken noodle soup.
— Hoarse Shoe (@Trustedshoe) June 5, 2017
You can tell the Beastie Boys were close because they’d finish each other’s sentences.
— Colley (@JamColley) June 5, 2018
ME: *turns around instead of wiping the steam off my bathroom mirror*
SERIAL KILLER BEHIND ME: okay wow way to ruin the moment
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) June 4, 2018
when you think about it a degree is just a really fancy receipt
— young bun (@eminmien) June 18, 2015
a fun prank would be to bring me coffee in bed
— madrigal (@whatmaddness) January 6, 2018
FRIEND: what’s new?
ME: my wife left me for some guy at that rental car company
FRIEND: hertz?
ME: yeah [holding back tears] it really does
— Terry F (@daemonic3) June 5, 2018
depression: everything is terrible
me: yeah, let’s buy stuff online
anxiety: you can’t afford that
me: okay guys, one at a time— meh (@bonehugsnirony) May 31, 2018
Before podcasts people just sat next to you in the lunchroom talking about boring shit until you eventually got up & ate in your car.
— Thrill Tweeter (@stopbylater) June 1, 2018
HER: how was your day?
ME: you know in Die Hard when he runs barefoot over broken glass?
HER: it was that bad??
ME: oh no, it’s just a cool scene…my day was decent
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) June 7, 2018
*Thinks about how weird those Lady and the Tramp chefs were for trying so hard to watch two dogs kiss*
*Also kinda gets it*
— Abam (@AdamBroud) December 10, 2016
i’m very exhausted but it’s helpful to remember that later today i’ll be even more exhausted
— kelly (@ohheyohhihello) June 7, 2018
GOD: 8
ANGEL: 9!
GOD: We shouldn’t do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
GOD: 15!!
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
GOD: 30!!
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
ANGEL: LMAO— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
Wait. Stop. Don’t leave ’til you check out last week’s top tweets.
