Ruin My Week
Every idiot has a platform these days but luckily smart, funny people get platforms too. And a lot of them are women. Whether it’s writing cutting jokes about modern life or detailing the latest tragicomic thing they experienced under late-stage capitalism, there’s something for everyone to enjoy. After all we’re all just trying to have fun before this planet bursts into flames or the AI gets good enough to pick locks.
So here are some hilarious tweets from women.
1.
Chi
ldren cken pic.twitter.com/GoXLH9LzdL
— Big Eva (@auntieeva7) September 6, 2019
2.
Thinking about how the Dutch police arrested a bird for taking part in a robbery, put it in a jail cell with bread and water & when the media reported on it they put a little black bar over the face to protect its identity pic.twitter.com/2ly0zsoAw6
— Emma (@CampbellxEmma) September 29, 2019
3.
My husband’s on a work Skype, so every few minutes I silently cross the room behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 6, 2019
4.
a tropical storm BEARING MY MOTHER’S NAME is heading for the beach where my dad is supposed to get married this weekend
— Meaghan O’Connell (@meaghano) August 28, 2019
5.
recently found out my ex had been cheating on me for the past 5 months so here’s a picture of him crying like a child when i found out and left his ass lmfaooooo gets me every time pic.twitter.com/bElwcCdEy6
— KT (@kttgros) October 16, 2019
6.
1. It’s a landline. pic.twitter.com/9WKUxUR6lS
— Vittanelle (@Vitt2tsnoc) October 26, 2019
7.
A little girl with green hair chalk just asked me if my hair was dyed for Halloween. When I told her it was green year round she turned to her dad and screamed:
“YOU SAID GREEN HAIR WAS ILLEGAL AFTER HALLOWEEN! WHY DID YOU LIE?!”
— BJ Colangelo (@bjcolangelo) October 27, 2019
8.
For every hour I spend with someone I gotta spend 72 hrs alone
— muna (@munaism) October 26, 2019
9.
Every email I ever send: Hello! I am extremely excited to be corresponding with you! You can tell by the number of exclamation points I use! Here is one sentence with a period so that I don’t come across as manic. Thanks!
— kathleen barber (@katelizabee) October 3, 2019
10.
