Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the top tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Lost my job at the history museum for telling people “all this shit is fake” and “there’s no such place as Egypt”
— , (@yerpalmildsauce) June 11, 2018
Wife: I’m leaving you
Me: why
Wife: You keep misquoting princess bride
Me: *under my breath* incompossible
— Llama In A Tux (@LlamaInaTux) June 13, 2018
ME [during sex]: Ugh I love you so much babe
HER: Mmmmmm I love you too sexy
PRIEST: The kiss was all we needed
— Blake (@dksc4life) November 26, 2017
Looking forward to his new single “Sorry I Have The Flu” pic.twitter.com/xL7cUad8GU
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) June 12, 2018
[Me when I talk to my lady friends]
You’re literally the most amazing person to ever live.
[Me when some dude tells my friend she’s amazing]
Ok fucking cool it pal.— jess (@jessokfine) June 12, 2018
[watching friend input his password on a website]
ME: dude, your password is just 10 asterisks? not very secure
— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) June 14, 2018
ME: *tries to sneakily pee in pool*
LIFEGUARD: sir get off the diving board— your new dad (@drankturpentine) June 6, 2018
Just passed a mum with her little girl, no older than 7, who was crying over a skinned knee.
Mum: I don’t think we need to cry over this anymore.
Little girl, still crying: This is in NO WAY a WE situation.— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 23, 2018
thank god I’m funny so I can smother all my unresolved issues with jokes instead of actually dealing with them and growing as a person
— gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) May 26, 2018
that scene in Point Break when Swayze convinces Keanu to let him surf a wave he knows will kill him but instead it’s my tiny dog trying to convince me to let her eat an entire rotisserie chicken
— huntigula (@huntigula) June 13, 2018
Mother: can you please fix my computer
Me: *leans back in chair* well… well … well … if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
— Cheish (@TheCheish) June 13, 2018
[Barnes and Noble]
ME: *tries to return “How to Be More Assertive”*
Customer Service: No refunds
ME: Sorry I bothered you..
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) June 5, 2018
My favorite stand up comedian is the fast food account pretending to be a teen on the website
— joe (@sad_tree) June 12, 2018
[arm falls off] probably cuz my period’s soon
— online printer (@hellohappy_time) June 13, 2018
being single is all fun and games until you realise it’s a never ending cycle of getting to know someone, they eventually stop texting you, then they watch your Instagram story every day until you die
— senorita ugly (@bex_bambi) June 12, 2018
Oh, and also check out these very funny tweets from last week.
