It is no secret that for a long time in Hollywood, there were little to no good female characters. It’s actually still a big problem today, probably because the industry is largely male-dominated. But back in the day especially, female characters existed only as supporting acts for male leads. Many of their character descriptions in screenplays reflected this lack of agency and focused on their “assets,” their role as beautiful objects, rather than any sort of plot-driving device in their own right.
Twitter user @jelenawoehr recently asked her followers to “Introduce a male character like male screenwriters describe women characters” and the results were hilarious.
And then there was Tony, an impish thread of a man who knew he didn’t know enough about his own limits. His buttocks purse at the very mention of golf, a game his mother had long warned him would not be worth the risk (his iridescent skin was prone to bubbling in the sun), yet he
— 🌱 every bean is a magic bean 🌱 (@iSHEDWHATiSHED) July 24, 2020
SUZANNE, 30s, charismatic, witty, with a razor-sharp wit and nerves of steel, enters the room with her boyfriend JEFF.
— Brandon Please Also Cover Your Nose Burkhart (@BurkhartBrandon) July 23, 2020
ADAM, knocking on 40’s door. The most handsome man in any room, but doesn’t know it. Pecs for days.
— Leigh Lewallen (@leighlew3) July 23, 2020
JOHN, a scientist, exactly 5’9″ and with ice blue eyes, leans over a microscope. Seeming concerned, he brushes his bangs away from his creased brow. His bulging biceps stretch the fabric of his lab coat to it’s limit from that simple motion.
— The Herp Derpingest (@agentfiftyseven) July 23, 2020
He artfully made his way down the stairs, his sweatpants clinging delicately to him showing everything moving as he did, emphasising his virility but only in a coquettish manner. After all, he didn’t want to be thought of as *that* type of man…
— Mask Wearing & Handwashing Tom (@endofbellcurve) July 22, 2020
— Dave (@DaveMetzger) July 22, 2020
JOHN, 29, could’ve been hot ten years ago, but now he’s barely attractive – age has done a number on him, and his unshaved forearm hair suggests that he’s been letting himself go in the past few months.
— Rae (@The_NobleWoman) July 22, 2020
Mitch was a women’s kinda a man that made other men uncomfortable. His clothes always fit in all the right places. His effortless good looks he always turned heads in every room he went into.
— Good Trouble Azure (@A_affirmations) July 30, 2020
A tall man waltzes into the room. This is BRUCE WAYNE (30s). Dressed in a tailored suit that does nothing to hide his tight abs and full pecs, he flashes a flawless smile. But Behind his thick lashes, large brown eyes hint at something somber. Something dark.
— Brendan Bergen (@carpetislava) July 22, 2020
Kirk’s eyes target SPOCK (30s, half-human/half-Vulcan) as he exits the lift. As Spock strides on the bridge, Kirk drinks every inch from his pointed ears to his sculpted shoulder and tight athletic frame to his strip tease gait. #StarTrek https://t.co/rJ3hKA0Uaz
— Ryan Thomas Riddle 🏳️🌈 🖖🏾 (@ryantriddle) July 22, 2020