Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
toddler: Close your eyes and open your mouth
me [about to get hit with a bat]— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 23, 2018
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we’re done here
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) June 26, 2018
Nothing but respect for people who are brave enough to sleep on top of their duvet in warm weather because I’d rather roast to death under mine than expose myself to potential demons
— rachel louise 💐✨ (@kyvbey) June 26, 2018
stop holding grudges towards people, just make them in the sims and refuse to fulfill their basic needs so that their character dies slowly like I do
— jodie (@jodiescar) June 26, 2018
There are only 2 opinions u can have about NYC
-I wish I lived here in the 70’s when everything was a porn theatre staffed by rats & the cost of admission was doing a homicide
-I love it here I am an algorithm my parents invented tax fraud & my only hobby is going to pharmacies
— Moss Perricone (@mossperricone) June 24, 2018
ME: I’m emotional, and it can be overwhelming for others. A lot of my time is spent on thinking about how I should go about showing these emotions or talking about them.
DRUNK ME: HERE’S A NUDE LET’S READ MY DIARY
— Rads (@FeelingEuphoric) June 23, 2018
[worm date]
GIRL: The guy at the bar was hitting on me
BOY: We should just ignore it
GIRL: What are you? Spineless?
BOY: We all are, Brenda. There’s no need to ewormsculate me
— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) June 23, 2018
A news network where they tell you what a politician did but don’t tell you who did it until after you decide if it was right or wrong.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) June 25, 2018
Had a joint with my mate and she said “mad how the brain named itself” and I’ve fully had to come home and go to bed
— Scarlet (@ScarletWLand) June 22, 2018
For a scary destination there sure are a lot of “special places” in hell.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 27, 2018
Be sure to rent a paddle board this summer so you can have 30 seconds of fun and then realize you made a terrible mistake.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 25, 2018
demon: [looking around inside me] dude no offence but it’s like kind of a nightmare in here
me: haha yeah
demon: how are all your thoughts in comic sans
— gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) June 22, 2018
WIFE: (pulling pasta out of the dryer lint trap) You have to remember empty your pockets!
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) June 17, 2018
[God creating hamsters]
ANGEL: “This sounds good… but we already have bears.”
GOD: “Okay but what if we make them… like… really, really small?”
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) June 26, 2018
I love how women’s fetishes make sense and men are just like “idk I want to jerk off in my gas tank and drive to the ocean”
— madrigal (@whatmaddness) June 23, 2018
Make sure you don’t leave without seeing the best tweets from last week.
