I’ll be honest, when I started making this list I was thinking I’d find 10, maybe 15 really weird but funny Tweets. Then, “Weird Twitter” sucked me in and now it’s Tuesday, I think? Where am I?
I digress.
Look, jokes don’t always have to make sense. In fact, on Weird Twitter, it’s encouraged.
What is “Weird Twitter,} exactly?
Good question. I’m not really sure I can answer, but here are some attempts to explain it from users themselves:
1. “[An] intentionally wrong style of idiotic comedy”
2. “A loose group of Twitter users who write in a less accessible form, using sloppy punctuation/spelling/capitalization, poetic experimentation with sentence format, first-person throwaway characters, and other techniques little known to the vast majority of ‘serious’ Twitter users”
3. “A Cabal of Diaper-Obsessed Madmen”
4. “A burgeoning comedy subculture”
5. “[N]ounal phrases referring to surreal compositions of objects”
I feel most of those are pretty accurate, and fully sum up the list of strange jokes you’re about to read.
Enjoy!
1.
[McDonald’s]
cashier: small, medium, or large fry
me: yes
cashier: i don’t understand
me: sorry [leaning close] McYes
— 🎁 xmas skier 🎁 40 days left (@clichedout) November 12, 2019
2.
3.
This Thai restaurant has a furby aquarium. Is this like Red Lobster where I can choose which one I want to eat? pic.twitter.com/gywNEJE53Z
— Cesspool (@of_a_genepool) August 4, 2019
4.
a pink bullet traveling over 1000 feet per second passes through my prefrontal cortex, severs my corpus callosum, and exits through my occipital lobe, killing me instantly. Everyone cheers. It’s a girl
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 10, 2019
5.
[pulls up in a new car]
EX: nice car asshole.
ME: umm, it’s called a muffler.
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) August 29, 2019
6.
7.
Every time you shake hands with a dog u r entering into a dog contract whos stipulations u could never understand
— tanks (@Burger_Time_) January 24, 2015
8.
pronouncing testosterone like minestrone just to be annoying
— Kivan @ GGC (@KivaBay) April 16, 2019
9.
10.
My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So i married her off to a random stranger to strengthen the alliance with France.
— 隆 (@wonggloong) February 2, 2019
11.
[national dad conference]
Speaker: I’m glad you could all make it
Whole crowd: *in unison* hi glad you could all make it We’re dad
Speaker: *Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is “glad you could all make it”*
*entire conference loses their shit*
— kelly (@BoyYeetsWorld) February 23, 2019
12.
*battlefield turns into a giant orgy*
Cupid: sorry sorry, these are the only type of arrows I have
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) March 5, 2018
13.
14.
One thing no one tells you about being an adult is that it’s not as easy to live in a tree as you hoped it would be.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) March 5, 2019
15.
1st tattoo: a quote from Dante’s inferno it symbolizes man’s attraction to sin and transgression
30th tattoo: a salami and it represents a salami
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 28, 2019