Kate Hackett
I see “AITA” and “weddings” and kind of mentally check out with a ‘yes, everyone involved is a douchenozzle, next’, but this one you’ll want to read through.
In this tale, u/LargeSeat3093 wonders if he’s an assh*le for “refusing to pay for my daughter’s wedding even if [he] promised to” and, you know, okay. Maybe not? Because no one is entitled to anybody else’s money or time and when those things are offered, you treat the gift and person with respect.
My (39M) daughter (21F) is going to get married this June since she was a little girl I promised to pay for her wedding but something happened two days ago, that made me change my mind.
Background
OP, the dad in question, had his daughter when he was quite young. He realized he was not straight and he and his ex-wife split amicably.
My ex-wife and I had our daughter at a very young age, (18) we got married, after six years of marriage I could find myself and come out to my wife, she understood and we had a very amicable divorce and split custody, my daughter was always daddy’s girl and always got along well with my partner (38M) of 14 years.
She is planning her wedding (I was paying for it) and let me know a few things she wanted for her special day:
The daughter had always been just fine and got along with her dad’s partner. And here come the wedding demands…
· Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK it’s your day.
Her in-laws are conservative and religious terrible, awful people who expect the world to cater to them. They did not want OP’s husband OR HIS CHILD at the wedding.
· My son (2) can’t attend either. No, it’s not going to be a child-free wedding.
· I can’t talk about my “lifestyle” because she doesn’t make her in-laws uncomfortable.
OP also has to censor himself … to not make these terrible, narrow minded people lose their shit, I guess.
Therefore, I told her that if her in-laws are so important, they should pay for the wedding, she got mad at me and called me a child and said that if I keep on with this “attitude” she’ll ask her FIL to walk her down the aisle, then I said: “fine if my family isn’t welcomed and I’m excluded, I’m not paying for the wedding”, She was furious and said I was being selfish, picking favourites, and not thinking about her at all.
So OP told his daughter that the in-laws can pay for the wedding if this is so important.
She complains that they can’t afford the wedding since they are both too young and reminded me it was a promise I made. Everyone including her mom is calling me selfish, So AITA here?
The daughter got upset, the dad got upset, everyone got upset. Eventually his daughter did apologize, but these awful rules were still in place, so OP decided: naw, peace, girl, and will be taking his spouse and son on a vacation instead.
UPDATE: My daughter apologised but didn’t change her mind, the rules are still set so I decided not to pay at all.
I apologised and hugged my beloved husband and son for being even willing for a second to exclude them, (my husband was even willing to help with 5k) but that’s it she doesn’t change her mind and already asked her FIL to walk her down the aisle, so I’m gonna take my son and husband to a special family trip.
The daughter’s kind of an asshole for even asking BUT YOU KNOW WHO REALLY SUCKS? THESE IN LAWS. JESUS.
