Patricia Grisafi
It’s true that tragedies can occur anytime — even at a wedding. One minute you’re dancing and talking to friends, and the next, you’re dealing with a crisis.
One Redditor’s husband passed away at his brother’s wedding, and everyone was grief-stricken — except the brother’s new wife.
“My brother-in-law (Andres) married to his long time girlfriend (Bea) last year. The wedding was held 30 mins from the city by boat. During the reception, my husband (Dante) collapsed. His brain aneurysm ruptured and he never made it to the hospital,” says the OP.
“First day of my husband’s wake, Andres and Bea came. Andres had been crying, I noticed how he looked like he hasn’t had any sleep. Bea gave me her condolences, and placed flowers beside my husband’s casket. Andres was always there, only leaving to shower and change while Bea would visit every night. On the 4th night, while I was making myself coffee, Bea approached me and started telling me how terrible things had been. Dante dying on the most important day of her life. I told her how devastated I was. We have always been careful since the day we found out about Dante’s aneurysm. He quit his job as a physics teacher at our local high school 3 years ago. We visit our GP regularly just to make sure that everything is going well.”
“Bea cut me off and asked me ‘so you mean you knew about the aneurysm?’ I told her yes and that he had been taking medication for it. She said Andres never told her about it. She continued saying it was reckless of us to dance and drink when we know about Dante’s condition (he only had a glass of champagne). I asked her what she means and she basically told me that had she known about my husband’s illness, she never would’ve invited us to her wedding. She said we ruined her wedding. That after we left the island, the reception was cut short. Andres was so worried to even focus on his new wife.”
She maintains that the death ruined her wedding and that the OP should compensate her financially. Of course, it would be easy to walk away from that person, except that the family is also involved.
“I told her to leave before I forget that she was ever my friend. She didn’t listen and continued telling me how expensive her wedding was and that by ruining it, I owe her half of the expenses. I shouted at her, and told her to get over herself. My in-laws heard us and came to stop everything before it escalated. I told her to leave and never come back unless she apologized. My in-laws who still didn’t understand what’s happened, told Andres to take Bea home. Both MIL and FIL were upset with me for causing a scene in their son’s wake. I didn’t tell them what Bea said. They only found out after Andres told them. He and Bea had a fight and they had moved their honeymoon which was supposed to be a month after we bury my husband.”
“To make the long story short, Bea didn’t apologize. Until now, we still haven’t spoken. I don’t go to family dinners anymore but I still have a good relationship with my in-laws. I do believe that I have all the right to be angry at Bea but I also want to make my in-laws happy. They have been nothing but good to me and unless Bea and I make up, there will always be tension in our family.”
It is definitely NOT on this OP to do anything about her incredibly horrible sister-in-law!
“NTA. I’m not entirely sure why the in-laws keep inviting her to things after what she said, or why Andres even stayed married to her, but that’s for them to worry about. You are under no obligation to go out of your way to socialize with someone who refuses to acknowledge their breathtaking insensitivity and self-centeredness,” said mm172.
“NTA. She basically said your husband died on purpose to ruin her wedding. That is beyond AH. Its cruel, insensitive and all that. For me, that would be a lifelong NC,” said tatasz.
“Why TF is Andres still married to her? Like how can even look at her after what she said about his brother? NTA, it’s not up to you to ‘fix’ anything. Bea hasn’t apologized nor shown genuine remorse, so nothing can be fixed. This tension lies squarely on her shoulders,” stated czechtheboxes.
“The tension isn’t caused by you and I honestly doubt you could elevate it even if you wanted to. She accused a person of willfully dying on her wedding! And that person wasn’t just your husband, he was also her husband’s brother and he told your family about the hurtful things she said not you! So now your husband’s parents know what she said about their son! Trying to release the tension from your side won’t undo that, can’t undo that! She has to apologize if that tension is to go away. Trying to make it better from your side could even make it worse. Your family by law is in a very raw and hard place right now. Just hold back, keep quiet and concentrate on your grief. If you try to mingle with the mess your SIL started could make your grieving relatives turn on you irrationally in their grief. You need all your strength for yourself now. Let your husband’s brother deal with his wife on his own as he already did when he told his relatives the truth about what happened which turned them away from you,” advised GrayDottedPony.
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