Kate Hackett
Mixing friendship and work is always incredibly hard to do — and especially for big once-in-a-lifetime events like weddings. The stakes are just too high.
That’s exactly what u/throwrawedphotos found out when she received her engagement photos that were taken by a friend. This bride took to Reddit’s Am I The Asshole sub to ask if she would be a jerk for deleting engagement photos a friend took. Here’s her tale:
I tried to be short, sorry. English is my second language.
I got married last fall. Where I live, fall means the trees are changing colors. So the wedding pictures are to die for. We didn’t have a huge budget, so a friend of mine asked her friend if she could do it for me. I had seen some of her work and she is really talented, plus she is a total seeetheart. The only thing is, for what she charges, and since it’s more of a hobby, you’ll get your pictures when you’ll get them. Well, I got them. And now I need to know if what Im about to do falls in asshole territory.
OP explains that she got married in the autumn with changing leaves; the photos were going to be gorgeous. She also had a friend bring in a friend to do the wedding pictures. She just got them back.
A few days after my wedding, my friend announced to me that she was engaged. I was ecstatic and wanted to know everything. Turns out she got engaged at my wedding. My brain gets out of its vegetative state and I remember her table being way too excited at some point but I blamed the alcohol.
Her friend got engaged at OP’s wedding and announced it there too. OP wasn’t thrilled, but it was done, so OP just shrugged it off.
I wasn’t thrilled about it, realizing then that she had basically not only gotten engaged at my wedding, but instead of hidding it and announcing it later, she announced it to our friends during the party. It was a though pill to swallow but I figured, whatever, it’s not like I even realized what was happening.
OP explained to her friend why she didn’t love the behavior, but ultimately it seemed like a done thing.
We did have a discussion about it and she didn’t seem to understand why I was upset until I put it into perspective for her, asking her how she would feel if I made a big annoucement at her wedding, taking the attention away from her big moment. In my friends’ mind, it’s no longer the day I got married, it’s now also the day she got engaged. On my dime. We eventually turned the page and I thought it was over.
Meanwhile, OP and the photographer have become friends and the photographer asked what OP wanted to do with the “engagement photos” that the friend took at OP’s wedding.
Well I’ve sort of been friends with my photographer since the wedding because of comon interests. At some point, she point blank told me that now that we are closer, she feels comfortable asking me what to do with my friend’s pictures because it makes her really uncomfortable.
During the evening, the wedding party took a break to go change, and during that time my photographer was taking pictures of foliage and the venue. My friend apparently asked her to take pictures of her and her boyfriend. She didn’t really see a problem since we weren’t back yet and they were guests. That’s until she realized they were engagement pictures. Some poses just don’t leave place to interpretation.
The photographer was hoodwinked into taking engagement photos during a lull in the wedding’s activities and now she wanted to know what she should do with them. OP told the photographer to just set them aside.
So, when she asked me what to do, that, you know, accidents happen, I told her to just put them in a seperate folder. Ever since, I’ve been thinking what am I gonna do with that folder. My friend has been asking about my wedding pictures periodically but havent asked about her pictures specifically. It was easy when I didn’t have them but now I do. I’ve had them since April and I know she will eventually come out of hiding now that covid restrictions are loosened.
So now OP has an ethical dilemma: she has the pictures. Does she delete them?
I want to delete the folder since they are my property anyway. But I don’t want to be a major AH either. Before you say it, I do realize I haven’t forgiven her at all like I initially thought.
I think if you want to absolutely torpedo that friendship, sure, delete them. But otherwise, graciously hand them and a bill for 15% of the photographer’s time.
