Wedding planning is a minefield for potential drama. You’ve got to manage the expectations of two families, pick and choose who gets an invitation and who doesn’t, and work everything out with your partner.
But two of the thorniest parts of wedding planning—finances and the bridal party—often combine into a whirling maelstrom of drama. That’s what happened to one woman (u/ThrowItAway7199) who posted on Reddit’s “Am I The A–hole” subreddit to ask if she was wrong to balk at paying for an expensive bachelorette party on top of paying to attend an expensive destination wedding.
OP starts by saying she’s the maid of honor for her friend’s wedding. Also? The friend is a little selfish.
I (29F) am an MOH for Julia’s (28F) wedding.
Julia has always had selfish tendencies, but friends kept her grounded. She has always expected people to pay for her, but is frankly non-reciprocal or cheap when the tables are turned.
OP goes on to say her friend’s fiancé has poured gasoline on her selfish fire because he’s loaded (like REALLY loaded).
Since moving to a new city and meeting her fiancé, it’s been hard to manage her expectations. Julia’s fiancé is great, but he has enabled her selfishness because he is financially well off. To paint a picture, he pays for everything $12k a month on rent, $10k a month on gifts, vacations, $200k wedding etc.
To make matters worse, it’s a destination wedding (ugh), which means our maid of honor OP is already on the hook for a good chunk of change.
They are having destination wedding. This requires every guest to take time off and spend a lot. I spoke with her everyone about their budget for her bachelorette. Most said 1-3 days and $200-500. I thought this was really generous. Myself and one other bridesmaid could max afford $1000.
And what goes better (read: worse) with a destination wedding than a destination bachelorette party?
Julia wants to go somewhere “epic” for her bachelorette for a week. When I priced out what she wanted, it was $2000-5000 per person. This does not include her expenses for the trip and other bridal events she expects us to pay for (engagement party, bridal shower etc.)
OP confronted the bride about the wedding party’s budget, but SHE got called selfish in return.
When I told Julia this was “too big of an ask” she cried, called me selfish and made comments like:
• I would do this for you!
• My best friends can’t even save a few hundred bucks a month for my wedding?
• Just wait until all of you get married and find out what it feels like to have friends be as selfish as all of you.
• I paid for the bridesmaids dresses, and you can’t do this for me? (Bridesmaids dresses were $89 each).
So OP tried to gently explain their financial situation while refocusing the conversation on the positive.
I explained that:
• Spending money is a big sacrifice because we don’t have the same financial freedom as her.
• We would not expect our loved ones to take a financial risk for our benefit.
• We should focus on the sacrifices your loved one are willing to make and be grateful for it.
Basically:
Unfortunately, this didn’t exactly work out well. Not only did OP become the villain, but the bride asked HER to cover costs for people who couldn’t afford it.
This was met with spite.
Fortunately, I make enough money to cover bills and save a little, but not enough to be frivolous. My husband works as a resident doctor (which doesn’t pay well). But he got an unexpected inheritance (brother died) and he made smart investments at a young age. So we are able to put a down payment on a future home.
This is common knowledge among her friends and now I’m being called out for
• Being cheap.
• Not supporting her special moment.
• Not offering to cover everyone else’s costs.
• Not getting my “rich doctor husband” to help me cover my costs.
• Not using our savings to make Julia’s dreams come true.
The whole ordeal left OP “stunned” and wondering if she’s actually being selfish (she’s not).
I’m stunned at how everyone is behaving.
I had a courthouse wedding and a sleepover at my house for a bachelorette. I haven’t been in many weddings, so I don’t know what standard expectations are… but thousands of $ seems excessive.
Is it really fair to expect others to spend that much for wedding events? Is it fair to expect a MOH to pay for other people’s costs to meet the bride’s expectations? Am I missing something? Reddit… AITA?
What did Redditors think?
