Kate Hackett
Let me scream it loudly so the back of the room can hear: WEDDINGS. MAKE. PEOPLE. FRIGGING. TERRIBLE.
I do not GET IT, it’s some kind of bizarre phenomenon that turns literally everyone into the absolute worst versions of themselves. And I’m not just talking brides because let me assure you, I have watched men behave just as terribly to their loved ones.
So here we are, another day another shitty wedding story.
Olive Chiemerie of Nigeria recently shared on Twitter that her cousin, the closest thing she has to a sister, told her to lose weight or she couldn’t be in her wedding.
Nope, said Olive. I just shan’t go at all.
“My family will swear I’m wicked and no-nonsense cos I reward meanness with the same level of vim,” Olive continued.
BuzzFeed reached out to Olive to hear what she had to say.
“For context, this cousin and I are both only children, but we grew up in the same home, raised by her mum, my dad, our other auntie and our grandma,” Olive said to BuzzFeed. “In essence, we’re sisters, the closest thing each of us came to a sibling.”
“So I guess going by the bond I thought we shared, I naturally assumed I’d be her maid of honor. It was supposed to be non-negotiable, but she didn’t ask me. I also didn’t want to have to ask her, I firmly believed it’d be me,” she continued.
PLEASE BRACE YOURSELF TO SCREAM.
“The conversation came up last week while we and our mutual friend were discussing wedding details. She said she’s still contemplating which of her light-skinned, slim friends to ask to be maid of honor.”
“I was stunned. Our mutual friend was stunned too. What??? She said yes, she doesn’t want me because I am fat and would ruin the maid of honor aesthetics — that it’s usually slender, light-skinned girls who gets to be maid of honor. I felt insulted. Our friend said she felt insulted on my behalf too.”
Girl. SO AM I. I AM ALSO STUNNED.
“If it was that she felt she had a friend she was closer with whom she shared a bond much greater than the one we did, I’d understand because of course, that we’re related shouldn’t be the sole determinant — but it was only just about the aesthetics.”
“I told her I wouldn’t be attending the wedding because — if she felt so ashamed of and embarrassed by me — who’s to say my presence alone wouldn’t destroy the wedding aesthetics? She said I was overreacting because it really wasn’t that deep, that it was her choice to make.
“Of course it was her choice to make. I just thought [me being the maid of honor] was an obvious choice. Perhaps it’s my bad to assume?”
“I should add that I wasn’t particularly enthused by the maid of honor part, I wasn’t overly looking forward to it, my angst and hurt isn’t because I don’t get to be maid of honor, I’m not upset about that. It’s the fact that she not only didn’t think me worthy, but she also doesn’t realize or understand why it hurt me.”
She continued, “I’ve heard of brides hiring models from modeling agencies to be their bridesmaids here in Nigeria, apparently it’s great [for the] aesthetics and it makes them money at these weddings.”
I’m so sorry, Olive. What a cruel thing to have happen to you.
After she shared her story and people DM’d her, she wanted to make sure she thanked everyone who made her feel better.
“I feel validated and understood. I want more fat women to realize that the bodies the media and fashion industries keep shoving in our faces as perfect and ideal are largely highly unrealistic, plus we can’t all have the same slender body build.”
“It’s all been incredibly heartwarming, but it’s hilarious. All I tweeted was that I was told I couldn’t be maid of honor because I was fat. Nowhere did it say I was ugly or unattractive.
“But I don’t think that assumption of my self-esteem being assaulted was unfounded, because fat women have always been made to feel inadequate, leading to their self-esteem being in shambles.
“That’s fortunately not true in my case. I’m gorgeous. It’s not something I say because ‘body positivity,’ I am actually gorgeous gorgeous. I think my body is exquisite, and I carry myself elegantly knowing this.
“It’s probably a miracle that at this point I still think so highly of me and my body, but I do, this body is all I have and I’m not about to let anyone make me hate it.
And in bold, big letters because I love this:
“I don’t love this body despite being fat, I love it because it is mine, slim or fat. So if I do decide to embark on a weight loss journey, I’d do it not because I hated my fat body nor to feel better about myself nor to cower to pressure, but because I want to. I will love this body in every shape, every form.”
Go Olive!
