Nonbinary Sibling Wants To Skip Brother’s Wedding Because Of The Gender Binary Dress Code And Asks ‘AITA’

Something in the damn air right now, y’all: another Am I The Asshole post on Reddit wondering about … you guessed it, my favorite topic: WEDDINGS.

u/modernbaseballfan69 hopped over to the famous AITA sub to wonder if they were wrong for refusing to attend the wedding because of the dress code.

…Jeez, that has to be some dress code, doesn’t it?

OP’s brother and his fiancé are getting married and OP is part of the bridal party.

My brother is getting married in a few months and his future wife recently asked me to be a part of her bridal party.

The dress code is gender-specific and OP’s new in law wants every woman to wear a dress and men to wear suits; but OP is non-binary.

I was thrilled and excited to be included, but then she informed me that the dress code for the bridal party was gender-specific, with women expected to wear dresses and men expected to wear suits. As someone who identifies as non-binary and is more masculine presenting, I am uncomfortable with conforming to a gender binary that doesn’t accurately represent me.

OP brought this up with his brother and his fiancé, but they didn’t want to make an exception.

I brought this up with my brother and his fiancé, but they insisted that they wanted all their guests to adhere to the dress code, regardless of how it made them feel.

So OP elected to just not go to the wedding at all. Unsurprisingly, this has caused drama.

I ultimately decided that I did not want to attend the wedding, as I did not feel comfortable being pressured to conform to a gender binary that doesn’t accurately represent me. My brother and his fiancé are now upset with me, accusing me of being difficult and not willing to compromise.

OP’s brother went to their mother and she also asked OP to just deal with it for one day.

After a fight with them, I found out they went behind my back and involved my mom. She called me yesterday and told me I can put aside my identity for one day to make the day special for my little brother.

OP isn’t sure now: are they the jerk?

I now feel bad and didn’t realize something as small as the clothes I feel comfortable wearing would cause a rift within my family.

So AITA for refusing to go to the wedding?

Reddit thought this was absolutely a NTA judgment.

“NTA. I wonder how they would feel if you were getting married and told all your cisgender guests to put aside their identity for one day. Would your brother wear a dress because you asked him to?” asked one user.

Kspsun / Reddit

Another said, “As a fellow queer human I’m saying NTA. I don’t feel like the responses you’re getting are from people who actually understand the nuance here. Their policy is ridiculous and I’m assuming they made it purposefully exclusionary towards you. Because otherwise why not say black tie or formal and let everyone do their own thing? F them. Just politely decline.”

Rothum90 / Reddit