Kate Hackett
Hello, fair readers, and welcome to another crappy AITA post about weddings!
This time, we have a question from u/VanillaUnhappy3958, who evidently thinks it’s entirely okay to cut out her sister from her wedding day because the sister is attractive.
“Surely something else is going on..?”
NOPE. She’s just hot. Look, read the post:
OP explains that she is homely and her sister is gorgeous.
Background: I (25F) am a homely looking girl. There is no other way to say it; I am not hot or even pretty by most people’s standards. My sister (27F), “Bella” is one of the most beautiful women who has ever walked this planet. Like, got stopped on the street and in the mall multiple times while we were growing up for modeling opportunities.
As a kid, OP was pretty jealous of her very attractive older sister. Spoiler: think she still is!
We have different dads, and I guess she just won the genetic lottery. I was jealous of her as a kid, especially because we were always compared to one another. I’m 5’4, average body, slightly below average face. She’s 5’11, thin, and all around just really gorgeous.
And is this sister a shit person? NOPE. She’s wonderful. OP was her sister’s maid of honor a few years ago.
She’s also a genuinely great person. She’s humble and sweet, and even though she could’ve made a living off of her looks, she ended up going into social work and now works with kids in foster care. Her and I are close. We see one another a bit less since she moved to a new city with her husband, but we constantly text and call. I was her maid of honor two years ago at her wedding.
Now it’s OP’s turn for a wedding… And OP…
Four months ago my fiancé (30M), Allen, proposed to me and I said yes. My family was excited for me and they all like him. Him and I have been together for just over two years. Bella and Allen are close as well, and we often have them over for dinner or go to their house for game nights.
Doesn’t even want her sister by her side. She wants to be the pretty one and not stand next to her sister.
Now to the issue. I thought about it a lot and decided to not have Bella in my bridal party. I just wanted one day where we weren’t standing side-by-side, being compared. I wanted to be the pretty one standing at the alter on my day. I’ve gotten over my jealousy of her for the most part and accepted myself for how I look and who I am, but the thought of everyone looking at her at my wedding broke my heart.
OP tried to break it early and gently, which greatly upset her sister.
She obviously thought she would be my maid of honor, and so before I asked anyone to be in my bridal party, I went to her house to talk to her. I didn’t want her to hear through the grapevine or social media that she wasn’t only not my maid of honor, but not in my bridal party at all. When I went over and told her and explained my reasoning, she started to cry.
Her sister said it was incredibly hurtful and is trying hard to bite her tongue, but she’s clearly upset.
She didn’t get mad at me, but she said it was really hurtful that I’d exclude her because of the way she looks. I understand her point. Her and I are best friends. She’s been giving me a bit of a cold shoulder since this happened, and my parents (both our mom and each of our dads) have called me a major AH for doing this to her, saying she’s more upset than she let on but didn’t want to taint “my day” with drama. She RSVP’d to the wedding invite, so I know she’ll still be coming no matter what, but I feel bad that I have excluded her just because of her looks now.
So, AITA?
Reddit was VERY soft with their asshole judgment.
“Gentle YTA. Insecurity and low self-esteem is so hard to fix. However, you are letting it ruin the relationship with your sister. And your family in general,” wrote another user.
“Coming from a fellow sister who did not turn out to be “the pretty one,” I’m unfortunately going to have to say YTA. I understand that it’s hard to think about your wedding day and everyone looking at your sister instead of you—and possibly even comparing the two of you to each other. But here’s the thing: no one is going to look at the bridesmaids on your wedding day. They’ll be directing their attention to you and your fiancé. I understand the insecurities and the deep-rooted image issues. But trust me, you’ll want your sister there to help you through the best day of your life,” said another.
OP accepted the Asshole judgment and decided to just not have bridal or groom parties at all. They’re going to talk to the sister this weekend and apologize.
Edit: Alright, I get in a general sense that people think I am an AH for hurting her feelings and being insecure and selfish. I have been in therapy for family issues and self-image issues since the day I turned 18, but it hasn’t 100% sorted itself out yet. I work on it every day. I didn’t add this in my original post, but I have a facial deformity because my jaw did not form correctly in the womb, leaving my chin and mouth deformed. My family has never let me forget this part of myself. I have cut most of them out of my life, but the trauma is still there.
I love my sister, and after talking with Allen, we have decided not to have bride or groom parties at all. I will try to talk to her at some point this weekend and apologize for letting my insecurities get in the way of our relationship and explain that I won’t have any MOH or bridesmaids.
I appreciate those who gave perspective without being cruel, I knew Reddit could be harsh but jeez, some of you need the therapy you so desperately say that I do.
