Kate Hackett
2022 is becoming “year of the monsters-at-weddings”, isn’t it? I don’t know if the pandemic just has us all wound up tighter than usual or if this is just How People Are during wedding season, but j.f.c. I am getting sick of hearing about how terrible people are while they spend scores of cash.
Here we are, another day another shitty wedding story.
u/runawaymaidofhonor recently took to AITA to wonder if she was a jerk for wearing a white dress for a friend’s wedding.
*stares in etiquette*
I mean, based on that… yes? But let’s hear her out.
I can’t believe I’m using this Reddit account for ANOTHER wedding related issue. I (20F) met my friend Charlotte (21) when I moved into my college dorm in August 2020. We got along well, shared ideas for how we wanted to divide space and keep things clean/organized, and had many similar interests. Within a month we were studying & hanging out together, and I considered her a good friend. I also met her now-husband Josh (22). They seemed like a cute and loving couple, and I was very happy when they got engaged Christmas 2020 after 3.5 years together. Charlotte has spent the last 18 months planning this wedding down to the last detail. I won’t say she’s obsessive, but it’s been INTENSE and I’ve tried to help her as best I can with making appointments, managing stress, etc. I also gave her $250 to help pay for the wedding (her family can only afford part of it) which isn’t included in the wedding gift I’m going to give her.
OP explains her friendship with Charlotte and how Charlotte became very intensely involved in planning her own wedding (as ya do). Still, they were super close friends.
A month before the wedding, I was still trying to decide exactly what to wear. I wanted something nice, because Charlotte said she would have a photographer, videographer, and wedding painter. I knew Charlotte had a vision for her wedding and I wanted her as in control as possible for all the details of her special day, so I asked her which dress out of the three I’d narrowed it down to that I should wear.
OP started trying to figure out what to wear and wanted to check with her friend to make sure it was all according to Charlotte’s vision. Charlotte picked out a white dress with pink and white heels.
She asked if I would actually pull out all my dresses, so I did. She ended up narrowing it down to one of my picks, along with a dress I had put firmly in the “no” pile for being white. It was a wedding after all. She told me both dresses were lovely, but that she prefers the white one. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes, and even picked out a pair of pink and white heels from her closet to go with my dress. I figured that was that.
OP figured she’d do what Charlotte asked and shows up in the dress and heels picked out. Here’s where Charlotte got F’ing INSANE:
Fast forward to last week, I show up in the dress about half an hour before the ceremony. I get some weird looks, but no one says anything. In hindsight, this is when I should have realized something wasn’t right. When Charlotte comes out of her dressing room for some last minute pictures, she looks shocked to see me, and then she starts turning red. She pulls me aside and starts going off on me immediately about wearing the dress to her wedding. I’m stunned.
IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP TEST? WHO. WHY. NO.
I ask her what the problem is, because SHE picked the dress out, and she told me it was a “friendship test” and that if we were real friends then I wouldn’t have worn a white dress or her shoes to her wedding. I started laughing because I honestly thought it was a joke, and she screamed at me that I ruined her “ f-ing wedding” and to “gtfo”. I flat out told her she was crazy and left, not wanting to fight anymore and not knowing how to deal with what happened. I grabbed my wedding gift to them on the way out.
OP rightfully left, took her gift, and has been bombarded with texts from people telling her she’s awful. No, guys. OP is not awful.
My phone has been flooded with texts, voicemails, and social media notifs from her, her friends, and her family about what an AH I am, but I honestly don’t see what I did wrong. Am I really the asshole here?
EDIT: Quite a few people have said YTA/ESH because “you should know not to wear white anyway” and I just want to clarify that I brought this point up to Charlotte more than once while asking if she was sure, and she insisted that I wear the white dress. She said I would look lovely and she wanted me to look my best for her wedding bc she wanted very nice pictures/videos. I would not have worn this dress if she had not assured me multiple times that it was what SHE wanted.
EDIT 2: Someone made a comment about how “if the bride is wearing white” I should at least be prepared for the weird glances. The bride didn’t even wear white. That was another non-traditional thing she did. She wore blue.
