Dan Wilbur
Satanism gets a bad rap. I think it’s because of their association with Satan. For those who don’t know, God created angels before he created humans. They, much like us, stirred up a lot of stuff. One of the angels, Lucifer, went into business for himself rather than keep his unpaid internship with God, The Father.
One thing led to another, and after a length negative campaign about how bad Hell is compared to God’s Heaven business, Satan was overseeing the damned for all eternity. I think I got most of that right.
Now, there are a million different ways to worship God. You can pray before bed, you can go eat the body of his Son, Jesus Christ. You can even be blessed by donating to a guy on TV who preaches stuff about the Bible (who is closer to doing the Devil’s work than Satanic Temple is).
The Satanic Temple fights for causes like protecting reproductive rights and ending corporal punishment in schools. They are, in fact, the good guys.
Here are examples of The Satanic Temple doing more to help the community than you thought:
1. They clean up beaches.
They helped the Save Our Shores program keep beaches clean and protect marine life. That’s a public service, and they deserve to be recognized.
2. Satanists adopt highways.
If you don’t like seeing clean beaches, perhaps you’d like clean highways? Yes. The Satanic Temple keeps the roads clean in the name of the Devil. All we have is now. Better that you don’t run over cans in the road and die young.
3. The Satanic Temple helps new moms with the supplies they need to raise happy and healthy babies.
I always assumed that Satanism revolved around the old Aleister Crowley motto “Do what though wilt. That is the whole of the law” but apparently that’s some weird occult stuff. The Satanic Temple doesn’t believe in chaos magic. It believes in rationalism over hocus pocus.
Tenet Number 5 of being a Satanist? “Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.”
4. They help less privileged people look professional and get jobs.
If you hate government handouts and think people should work for a living, then stop giving to charities that merely put a band-aid on poverty. Join up with Team Satan, and get people to work.
5. The Satanic Temple thinks products for women should be free.
That’s right. They’re feminists. I will point you to tenets 2 and 3:
“The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.”
“One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.”
Women should be treated equally economically and socially. They’re fighting for that cause!
6. Australian Satanists are out there encouraging people to donate blood.
You can give blood every 52 days, and you should do it. There’s always a shortage. It’s the only form of charity where you’re actually required to eat cookies after. That’s good stuff. This activity brings me to the first rule of The Satanic Temple: “One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.”
We’re all in this together. Forget the high power and be good to people.
7. Satanists in Austin, Texas help victims of domestic abuse.
We don’t need to name any names, but some churches are responsible for the abuse itself. Isn’t that interesting. The world is upside down.
8. Satanists have campaigned all over the US to put an end to corporal punishment.
I went to a Catholic high school, so you better believe I had to move a bunch of bricks during detention, then move them back to where they were. It builds character. Wait- no. Resentment.
Their mission includes putting an end to psychological and physical abuse in schools, but also requires teachers not to restrict bathroom breaks. Next time a teacher says you need a hall pass to go to the bathroom, say “no. I’m a Satanist.”
9. These Satanic Temple members provided 191 coats for people in need.
10. Satanists in Florida provide socks to the homeless all year.
11. They teach kids about rationalism in free after school programs.
No, they’re not trying to indoctrinate your kids like other places might. They are doing quite the opposite. They want to teach your kids how to think for themselves.
12. They help women understand their rights and encourage autonomy over their own bodies.
13. They troll other religions that preach Christian supremacy in a country with separation of church and state.
14. They provide fun educational materials to children.
15. They’ve fought and won in court for the right of other religions to be represented at official government events.
The temple was invited to give an official invocation at a council meeting until another church found out and send 15,000 emails in an attempt to ban them. The case went to court, which showed the city of Scottsdale could not infringe on this religious rite just because council members caved to those who disagree with it.
They even have a movie now all about the good they’ve done in the world:
Good work, Satanists! Hail yourselves.
