Dan Wilbur
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dating women it’s that they love being told what to do. Especially, when it comes to what they do with their bodies. I’m kidding, of course. It’s not my place to tell a woman what to do with her body. That’s the government’s job. One man, however, broke all the rules when he asked Reddit if it’s OK to tell his wife to poop when he’s at work.
Every person has odd quirks. Some people collect action figures. Others, can’t stop watching reality TV. Whatever you’re into, your partner will likely have to make a compromise. Thursday nights are when I shop for new Funco Pops, and you can watch all the Real Housewives you want while I focus on that!
Sometimes, though, a partner can as for too much. Like this man who asked his wife to poop when he’s at work instead of ruining the night with all her pooping. It’s a bit of a long story.
Here’s the story of the man who asked the entire internet “Is it cool if I tell my wife to poop some other time?”
He began innocently enough, explaining that he loves to spend time with his wife.
“I work a job that keeps me away from home for long hours. My wife is currently not working and stays home. I love spending time with her in the evenings, but often we will be watching/doing/playing something and she will have to leave to go to the bathroom for 30+ mins. As you can imagine, this can be quite annoying.”
Then, of course, the gripe was taken too far:
“I understand that you can’t always control when nature calls, but it’s sometimes every single night of the week. Last night we had 10 minutes left in our movie and she told me to pause it and didn’t come back for 40 mins. I was pretty annoyed, so when she came back I asked her if she could try pooping earlier in the day so we can spend more time together in the week. She started laughing and asked me if I was serious. I told her that I was and she told me she can’t control when she has to go.”
He gave a quick recap of how he poops so we could all have that information:
“Now I don’t know if that’s really true, as I have pooped every morning when I wake up for as long as I can remember. It’s not like I never have to poop at other times, but that’s not the norm. I know everyone is different, but it’s kind of frustrating to me that she won’t even try.”
And finally, he told everyone that he already ran this story by his buddies, and they think he’s a dick:
“I asked some guys in the office today and all of them said I was an asshole for asking this, but I really don’t think I am! It’s not like I’m asking her to do something I wouldn’t do for her. Or really something that unreasonable. If she tried and wasn’t able to I would be okay with that.
I like to think I am a pretty reasonable guy. I don’t need dinner to be ready when I get home. I don’t care if there are dishes in the sink. I don’t care about any of that. I just want to spend as much time with my wife as possible. AITA?”
Wow. I didn’t know it was possible to be this oblivious but let’s see what Reddit had to say.
Here’s what people thought about the guy who told his wife when to poop:
1. One vote for “You’re The A**hole.”
“First of all- if you always poop in the morning, how do you come to the idea that you can change that? Please poop in the evening now.
Second- that’s really controlling behaviour.
Third- you told your coworkers?! Wtf. I would leave you if I found out you discussed something like that with outsiders.” –Lively_Sally
2.
“What’s she supposed to do? Sit on the toilet in the morning saying “I think I can, I think I can” over and over until her poo schedule magically switches to mornings? You’re a little too controlling if you seriously think that’s something you can ask your wife to do.” –GuinevereMorgan
3.
“What is with “she won’t even try”??? Does she need to record for you when she sits on the toilet and “tries”?? Did you think she had intentionally scheduled her bowel movements to occur during a movie??” –WritPositWrit
4.
“Do you honestly think this is a preference of hers? That she enjoys pausing a movie to spend 40 minutes on the can? What other magical control do you think she has over her body? Do you think she can stop her period for a more convenient time? Schedule a yawn for your convenience?” –lascivious_chicken
5.
“Maybe the wife is sitting in there avoiding her husband because he does things like discuss her bathroom habits with his coworkers. Good god.” –Curiousnaturejunk
It sounds like this guy is the jerk in this scenario. Sorry, dude.
