Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some hilarious tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week.
comedian: whats up w/spiders? 8 legs? thats a lot of shoes!!
spider in audience: hey jackass 2 of these are our hands[to wife] karen lets go
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) October 25, 2016
BEN AFFLECK: I’m directing a new movie and I was thinking about you for the lead role
BEN AFFLECK: Well I’m obviously very flattered
— Helle Oh, uh, Hell (@ElleOhHell) October 15, 2016
You didn’t let me guess pic.twitter.com/pKWkXbkyyk
— Eldge (@Sickayduh) October 25, 2016
FRIEND: I just found out my kid lost another tooth
ME: Really? Which one?
ME: Wow, I didn’t know your kid named his teeth
— Terry F (@daemonic3) October 23, 2016
100% serious i just walked in my kitchen and my bird is sitting here like this. anyone wanna buy a bird cause im done pic.twitter.com/uu29A5wzea
— spooky turtle (@dubstep4dads) October 20, 2016
Me: My keyboard isn’t working. It’s making weird noises
IT: How so?
Me: Like this *synthesizer beat*
IT: That’s a piano keyboard
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) October 21, 2016
This note Jimmy Carter left for Ronald Reagan before Reagan took office says everything about how politics have changed. pic.twitter.com/OSNtZ2SIly
— CalmTomb (@CalmTomb) October 21, 2016
Oh hell yeah, a super elaborate father-daughter halloween costume! I’m sure this was the little girls idea
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) October 19, 2016
WIFE:Someone’s broken in
ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here
PAL:Can’t u just tell her u wanna play baseball
M: Keep ur voice down
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 18, 2016
Honestly thought someone was just super excited about the drinks machine pic.twitter.com/4Drv2pC085
— Old Gregg (@lewisheywood) October 18, 2016
Before you name your newborn child you should quickly make sure their username on Instagram is available without an underscore
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) October 26, 2016
Either someone’s spontaneously combusted or Harry Potter’s just appeared & his invisibility cloak is too short. pic.twitter.com/peWOl3DlbT
— Paul (@bingowings14) October 20, 2016
Ref: Call it in the air..
Me: A QUARTER.
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) September 11, 2014
me (screaming at the ocean): u ate my flip flops you fucking asshole
— spookeith (@ghostkrogh) October 22, 2016
You never really forget how to misquote sayings. It’s like buying a bicycle
— Business Deal Maker (@Prof_Hinkley) April 25, 2015
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.