Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week.
airports at 5am are like a weird dream. you buy a water and some almonds and hear “that’ll be $17.80” then a boy heelies out of the bathroom
— Nick Robinson (@Babylonian) October 8, 2016
I don’t read German, what does this say, is it good pic.twitter.com/203KW6Wd5N
— Barry Petchesky (@barryap1) October 14, 2016
*walks in on son making batman & iron man action figures kiss*
“dad i can explain”
u should never EVER mix the dc & marvel universes
— infinity plus one (@stuckinaportal) October 6, 2016
How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
— Kendra Gaylord (@kendragaylord) April 27, 2016
I’M AT THIS PUMPKIN PATCH IN CULVER CITY AND THIS GUY IS TRULY HAVING A FULL ON PHOTOSHOOT WITH HIS DOG pic.twitter.com/JNXABZ7HaV
— Victoria Aycock (@victoriaaycock) October 16, 2016
Rigged ™ the new fragrance from Donald Trump will be in Wal-Marts by Christmas
— Meth Lab for Cutie ☠ (@kiralc) October 16, 2016
*Interrupts cop who is giving me a ticket to give him a ticket that says “you are a buttface”*
— Kalvin MacGhoul (@KalvinMacleod) October 18, 2016
When someone says pugs are heavy breathing loaves of bread just as you’re leaving the party. pic.twitter.com/3Y4YBZIYpR
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) October 18, 2016
me *stops coloring* Oh, sorry. I’ll have the salmon.
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 17, 2016
Hell of a name for a backing band. pic.twitter.com/62eMZYjQo3
— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) October 17, 2016
BREAKING: Scientists Prove Science Isn’t Real.
“We don’t even know how we proved this,” Scientist says
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) October 15, 2016
ROOMMATE: make sure to ask a lot of questions
ME: who killed JFK? what are they hiding at at area 51? wheres tupac
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 14, 2016
someone tell me what squat regimen the tip of Gerard Depardieu’s nose has been doing 🍑 pic.twitter.com/7rx7b8tbRk
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) October 14, 2016
Good morning everyone except Bruno Mars pic.twitter.com/Eddbrbi0li
— kendrick lobstar (@KLobstar) October 14, 2016
ME: I have invented a car that’s powered by awkward pauses in conversation.
PATENT OFFICE: How does that work?
ME: It goes without saying.
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) October 14, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.