Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the top tweets we saw this week.
aruba, jamaica / oooh, i wanna take ya
atlanta, las vegas/ uhhh that’s lots of places
vienna, then florence/ baaabe i can’t afford this
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) October 11, 2016
Actual men’s locker room talk:
“Who’s your orthopedist?..”
“..finally up to 3 miles…”
“..taking the kids to Lion King…”
— John Bussey (@johncbussey) October 8, 2016
Guy: I’ll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me
Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
— Mike F (@mikefossey) October 2, 2016
“So I should just sit down here while you paint my por – oh you’re done” pic.twitter.com/2h7i29DZCI
— Ben Jenkins (@bencjenkins) October 12, 2016
Hey I’m an undecided voter, I haven’t been paying attention to the election, are any perverts running? I want to vote for a DERANGED PERVERT
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) October 10, 2016
i wish LOL pic.twitter.com/zXopClqpfs
— chandler riggs (@chandlerriggs) October 9, 2016
U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn’t have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) October 10, 2016
this is my 1st time babysitting & idk where i went wrong but my niece is currently asleep on her head
do i call the parents or the exorcist pic.twitter.com/bGaTCFSiCz
— Mikaela Long (@MikaelaLong) October 9, 2016
My Ex works in a pharmacy,so whenever i want to spoil her mood I wil just go there and buy condom for no reason sometimes i go 3 times a day
— opeimu (@iamopeimu) October 10, 2016
— A Spooky Dog (@horsedivorce) October 10, 2016
How are so many people JUST NOW offended by Trump? It’s like getting to the 7th Harry Potter book & realizing Voldemort might be a bad guy.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) October 8, 2016
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread*
This is my body
& my blood
*pulls out 8 of Clubs*
& this is your card
*Apostles go nuts*
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) February 9, 2015
Here is a list of things that are invisible:
— Flora Flora (@Flora__Flora) October 12, 2016
I don’t know why we have three different pig emojis but it’s great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching:
— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) October 9, 2016
ME: can u make breakfast?
HER: why r u texting me?
M: u in kitchen?
H: in bed right beside u
M: oh hi, text me when ur in kitchen
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) October 8, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.