Lex
When you’re a kid and you’re going through the stages of potty training, it’s safe to say that pooping your pants is relatively “normal.” Or, as normal as can be. Now, as you get older, pooping your pants becomes less acceptable. Once you’re in regular underwear, pooping your pants becomes slightly embarrassing and even traumatizing—especially when you’re young. But, as an adult? Well, it’s safe to say that it’s even worse. Recently, BuzzFeed asked their users to share that “one time” they pooped their pants as an adult and—holy sh*t…literally.
1.
Driving alone over an hour to attend the wedding of family friends. I woke up late and had no time for a real breakfast resulting in grabbing one of those Starbucks fraps from a gas station, and a box of mini Charleston chews because hey why not! The stress of being late plus the massive amount of sugar resulted in the worst case of shits I’ve ever experienced with NO bathrooms in sight. Speeding down the highway at 90mph finally see a gas station and let’s just say there was a poopy thing left behind at a gas station bathroom.
2.
I’m brazilian and I was on vacation with my family in Buenos Aires. We were at a nice hotel and the breakfast was served in our room. (quick note, I was eating only meat and potatoes for almost a week, so my intestines weren’t working well). One day I woke up and sitted with my family to eat the breakfast, I felt I might fart a little so I relax and letted it go. BUT, it wasn’t a fart. It looked like the Dulce de leche I ate came in and out of my body immediatly.
When I realize it, I run to the shower and after that I spent the whole breakfast time cleaning the chair I was sitted on while my family laughed a lot.
3.
My sister and I were in a furniture store in Florida. All the way in the back store room which wasn’t air conditioned. It was hot and humid. I think it got to her because she looked at me red faced and said “I’m going to shit my pants, we gotta go, now!” So we immediately turned back to leave. Next thing I know she grabbed my arm, got two inches taller from puckering her butt and said “I just shit myself”. I laughed, which made her laugh, consequently crapping herself even more. She tied the sweatshirt she was wearing around her waist and we went home so she could change.
It was one of the best days of my entire life. Every single time she pisses me off… Remember that time you shit your pants?
4.
My boyfriend went in a trip to New Orleans with some friends. A night of jazzy drinking later and they’re at brunch. He makes a show of leaning over to fart on his mate (as lads do) and then it all goes south. He’s pooped his pants in the middle of a nice restaurant…right after getting all his friends’ attention. Calls me later and we have a bad connection. Winds up having to repeat the story to me 3 times before I get the whole thing. Says “I wish you had been there.” And who said romance is dead?
5.
I was on the porch enjoying a nice summer cigarette and happily scrolling. I let out a silent one, but heard a splat on the ground behind me. I turned around and saw my worst fear, a gigantic plop of diarrhea. The trail led from the pooling in my shorts down the back of my leg. I waddled through the house into the bathroom, and ordered my 9 year old out. I couldn’t have her see her mother like that. I jumped right into the shower clothes and all, but I was too late. My daughter saw the back of my shorts. She followed the poop trail through the house to the porch and came racing back to laugh hysterically at my expense.
6.
At my prom. I was so embarrassed!
Me and my best friend along with a few others in our prom group had booked rooms at a hotel nearby our prom venue. Our plan was to get shit-faced at the hotel that night, and then head to the beach for the rest of the weekend. We prepared for months leading up, getting people to buy alcohol for us since we were underage.
Anyway, the day of prom comes, and when I woke up that morning, I felt super sick to my stomach, but decided just to ignore it and hope it would go away, which it did. At least I thought so. We checked into the hotel and got ready and headed off to prom. About 2 hours into the 4 hour dance, I started to feel super sick to my stomach, so I sat out for about 30 minutes while my friends finished up and me and couple others headed back to the hotel early and told the others we would set up for the night so it would be ready when they got back. I felt better after the car ride back to the hotel, so I decided to partake in some pre-game shots with my friends. Before we knew it, we were already pretty drunk, and my other group of friends was arriving back at the hotel and needed one of us to come open the back door so they could get in since the lobby had closed. I decided to go. On my way to the elevator, I felt a rumble deep in my stomach, and I knew something wasn’t right. I got on the elevator anyway, and on the way down to the first floor, I suddenly had to poop so bad. Like I was sweating and panting and holding my butt in my hands because I thought I was gonna shit myself. As soon as the elevator opened, my drunk mind told me that I needed to find something to shit in, and I frantically started looking around for some sort of potor bin or something. I finally found a small recycling bin, and I literally could not hold it anymore. I squatted over the bin and tried to get my dress up over my ass, but I couldn’t do it in time. I started shutting everywhere, and I couldn’t stop it at all. It was all over my dress, my legs and the recycling bin. When I was done, I didn’t know what to do, so I shoved my dress back down, picked up the recycling bin and went to go open the door for my friends. I didn’t even look them in the eye before I said “I got sick. I will take the stairs.” And turned around to go take the stairs back up. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and was fine after that, but it was still one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me.
7.
I was in the delivery room with my family waiting for the delivery of my sister’s third child. While waiting in the room between contractions, etc. I ate lunch — which was a sandwich — which I thought was gluten-free, but turned out not to be. After a while I started feeling it in my bowels. I knew it wasn’t gluten-free and whenever I combine that with cheese — I get the diarrheas.
After holding it for a bit, I thought I released some gas … but … I didn’t. I shat myself. Embarrassed, I excused myself to the delivery room bathroom and discovered some very messy pants. So, I tried cleaning them the best I could with soap and water before I hopped in the shower — intended for my sister.
When my family heard the shower going they asked what I was doing. Not wanting to admit I pooped myself, I just said I spilled food on me. After the shower I put on the still wet underwear and rejoined the family. But, if there is something you should know about pregnant women it’s that they have REALLY good noses. Like REALLY, REALLY good. Almost immediately my sister could smell me. I thought the soap and water did the trick, but … no.
My sister kicked me out of the delivery room because she couldn’t handle the smell. So I ended up running to Walmart for some sweats (THEY WERE ON CLEARANCE FOR $3!!!), underwear, some body wash and a loofah brush (if you’re going to do it right, do it right!). I came back to the delivery room and took ANOTHER shower.
Thankfully this second shower got a stamp of approval from my pregnant sister and I was able to stick around until she had her little daughter — who I lovingly call “Little Stinky” as a reminder of my experience on her birth day.
8.
My wife and I had gone to a restaurant that my now brother-in-law was an executive chef at the night before – their specialty was comfort food, so I naturally ordered the biggest plate of chicken parmesean you’ve ever seen and ate it all and a side of fries. We get home late and immediately pass out, as you do.
The next day I am jolted awake. My stomach immediately makes a noise that can only mean, shit’s about to go down (pun intended).
I rush to the bathroom, completely nude, hand covering my ass (for some reason), moving faster than I have ever moved before. I have to turn a quick corner to get to the actual bathroom in our apartment and that’s when it begins. One quick toot and out comes a liquid sploosh onto the floor.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I mutter as I pass my wife, who passed out on the couch. I run into the bathroom, still pooping and make a good portion of it into the toilet.
I hear my wife start to move…
“DON’T COME OVER HERE,” I yell, knowing this may end our marriage if she sees me.
But, curious as she is, she sneaks her phone over the couch, just to look and snaps a quick picture. “Oh sweet Jesus,” I hear her say. All I can think to say is “I don’t know what happened” over and over again as if that’s some way to make sense of what’s going on. I tell her not to move and that of course I will clean everything, which I did after jumping into the shower and spraying all the air freshener.
Once everything was clean and I was certain I was empty. I went out and bought her a dozen doughnuts, her usual order from Starbucks and flowers. She of course tells me that it’s alright and is glad that I’m okay. Now whenever she wants to tell this story she always looks at me like, “is it okay?” and of course I say yes.
9.
The year was 2012. My husband (then boyfriend) went out with his two brothers for Cincinnati Red’s Opening Day. The next morning, a bit hungover, he and his oldest brother were walking back to their friends’ apartment. Said friends were standing on the balcony waving when they noticedmy husband start to slow down and turn pale. Turns out on the walk, he had a horrible urge to fart and instead shit himself on the sidewalk. The closest store was an Urban Outfitters and he had to pay nearly $40 for a clean pair of boxers. No one has let him forget this story. It was even part of his brother’s best man speech. Classic.
10.
Okay SO i was in France with my best friend studying abroad and one night we went out and got some escargots. Fast forward to the next day and all 20 or so of us are on our way back to the hotel but for some reason the train running right by it wasn’t working so we had to take like two other trains and a bus to get there. Once we got on the second train, it started. I got really hot and sweaty and knew something was wrong. By the time we got on the bus i was in full Bridesmaids mode- I literally thought at any moment i was gonna throw up. Then it happened. I shit myself on a bus shoulder to shoulder with 20 of my peers and probably 20 other natives. THEN EVERYONE STARTED SAYING SOMETHING SMELLED and i was just like OMG THE SEWAGE IS SO BAD HERE RIGHT LOL?!?!? So we finally get to the hotel and i sprint of the bus so damn fast and my bff is like WHAT IS GOING ON. We get in the elevator and i’m bent over yelling NO NO NO NO until we get to the right floor. We finally get to the room and i run to the bathroom, take off all my clothes, put my poop covered jeans in a bag and chuck it out the window onto the roof of an apartment building. Last but not least, our professor came and brought me medicine while i was in my underwear crawling into the kitchen to get water.
11.
I wasn’t feeling well earlier on the day, but this guy I was lusting over invited me over for dinner so I went. We ended up skipping dinner and having many, many drinks and soaking in the hot tub. When we got out he decided to make dinner while I was lounging on the couch. I started to feel upset to my stomach from all the booze and told him I was about to get sick. I didn’t have time to jump up from the couch so he handed me a pot so I didn’t make a mess. As I was hunched forward throwing up in the pot I felt a geyser of diarrhea shoot out from my jeans and all over the couch. It just kept pouring put like poo lava as I heaved. After I finished he ended up throwing me in the bath and helped me get clean. What made it worse was I ended going back to his house the next day to get my clothes because I left in a hurry that night after my bath and when I arrived at his house he was in the front yard hosing down my shit covered jeans and his couch cushions. He was so sweet about it all but I avoided him for several weeks.
12.
So I managed a fancy restaurant. I wasn’t feeling well and was super gassy. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and I trusted a very dangerous fart. Rookie mistake. I ran to the extremely fancy bathroom and had to toss my underwear in the trash can. I was so worried my staff would take the trash out that evening and say something about the smell. Moral of the story never trust a fart.
13.
My work provides exercise balls for people who don’t like the chairs there. Naturally, someone like me who has back problems, I decided to use an exerciseball for an extended period of time. Granted, I am not a small gal, whose height is 6’1 and weighs a nice and healthy 380 pounds with a large frame. The ball said burst proof, but I REALLY should have known better.
One day at work, towards the end of the day, I was finishing up for the day and suddenly I was on the ground! My exercise ball burst UNDERNEATH me, so I landed straight on my ass.
After a good laugh, I had eventually went home. Come to find out, I HAD SHIT MYSELF WHEN I LANDED. How there was no smell was odd, but the impact really must have let something loose.
14.
I never take care of my digestive system so it’s regular that I get backed up and have to take a laxative. One of the many times that I took a laxative, oddly enough I had an allergic reaction to something and was advised that I should takesome Benadryl (I broke out in hives all over). Sooooo if anyone is familiar with Benadryl, it typically knocks you out. So yeah you can see where I’m going with this. Drugged myself and fell asleep and the laxative kicked in and I pooped myself while sleeping. Two thumbs way up…oh and by the way my boyfriend at the time was in bed with me. #winning
15.
Early 20’s. Waaaaay too much to drink. Get McD’s after the bar on my way to my friends house. I go into the washroom, decide to run a bath (for some reason) and eat my McD’s in the warm tub. Wake up 2 hours later; freezing cold tub, lettuce, soggy bun, and hamburger floating in oily water. And, I had pooped my underwear. Not my finest moment.
16.
My boyfriend and I love to kayak and one day we started down the river, and my stomach wasn’t feeling so great. I had already pooped twice that day and we were about a mile down river when I immediately knew I had to take a massive shit. We were still several miles from the end of our run and I told my boyfriend I had to pull over NOW. I pull off on the bank, rip my shorts down, and let it all go. After feeling massive relief, I looked down to see that I had pooped in my shorts AND on my shoes. And you know what the best part was? I looked up and realized my boyfriend saw the whole thing.
17.
When I was 17, I was at work at a little amusement park in my hometown. I worked in the ice cream shopand on this day I was by myself. It was mid-summer so like a pretty consistent line of customers all day long. I had been like weirdly gassy all day, but like was chillin bc I was in the ice cream shop alone, so like lettin’ it go as needed.
Later in the afternoon though it started to get BAD and I stopped being so liberal with cuttin’ it. So I’m feeling the rumble as I’m swirling the chocolate soft serve onto the cone, open up the window to hand it to the customer, and just as our hands make contact, I lose all control of my butt muscles. Like literally holding a strangers hand through a tiny window, shitting my pants.
We used walkie rallies to communicate, bc it was still flip phone era, so I got on the radio and like…desperately screamed for back up. My boss then ran over to the ice cream shop, this like middle-aged dude, yelled at me for the urgency in my voice over the speaker for all the park to hear, and asked me what was wrong. I just slid down the wall with tears in my eyes, mortifiedbc I’m a cool teenage girl, and just quietly said “I just fucking shit my pants dude”.
He then called my mom who told me I needed to DRIVE MYSELF home. So – I had to make the long walk from the ice cream shop, through the go-kart track, across the putt putt course, in front of all of the customers and cute boys who worked there, with poop in my pants. And then I had to sit IN MY OWN SHIT IN MY CAR for 20 minutes.
Best day of my life.
18.
I was on my way home from work when my husband called me and ask me to swing by Taco Bell. I swung into the drive thru and almost immediately felt the urge to poop. I decided to back out of the drive thru but lo and behold someone was already behind me. Now, my local tbell’s drive thru does not have a secondary escape route. It’s right on the corner of a major intersection and there’s no where to go once you’re in. I was trapped. The urge was getting stronger and I hadn’t even ordered yet. I called my husband in a panic, hoping that somehow he would know what I could do. All he did was laugh. I hung up on him and ordered our food. Pooping didn’t cross my mind for the whole 30 seconds that I talked to the worker but as soon as I pulled my car up a spot I knew it was over. There were still 2 cars ahead of me waiting for food. I called my husband back for words of encouragement. By this time I’m unbuckled, I have a towel under me and I’m hunkering down, doing everything in my power to hold the turd in. I was half crying half laughing when my sphincter gave out. Liquid shit spilled from my bum with no signs of stopping. It felt like forever went by sitting in my poop pants and the stench but finally I got our food and I drove home. The shame still eats at me sometimes and my husband brings it up every chance he gets.
19.
My friend’s mom has the funniest story. She was getting a colonoscopy and was drinking that horrid drink and waiting for it to kick in. Her friend convinced her to go shopping, telling her it wouldn’t take effect right away. We all know where this is going. She runs into the store’s bathroom and it’s nasty so she decides to hover over the toilet. Her angle of incident was not what she expected and she had explosive diarrhea all over the back wall. Twice. She was in the bathroom for like an hour trying to clean it, before she finally gave up and ran out of the store. When my friend told me this story, I laughed so hard, I pissed my pants.
20.
My husband and I were going to meet our real estate agent to sign some papers to buy a house. As we were walking in, I let out a shart. I was wearing shorts and it proceeded to run down my legs. My husband didn’t believe me until he saw the evidence. Luckily the place we were staying wasn’t far away, so we got back in the car and I had to kneel with my butt in the air the whole way. We were late for our meeting, and I’m pretty sure our agent thought it was because we were having sex because we couldn’t stop giggling about it. He still loves me after that disaster.
