Ruin My Week
Everybody has their secrets. Some things we keep to ourselves because they’re shameful (c’mon, cheese never REALLY expires) or to keep out of trouble (I swear it was like this when I found it) and others are meant to spare someone else from mortifying embarrassment.
These little fibs don’t seem so bad and we tend to the little white lies slide. (After all, when our old pal Ben Franklin said honesty is the best policy, he probably wasn’t being asked if his mistress’s ass looked fat in her dress.)
There comes a time when everyone is faced with that choice. When you have to choose whether you’re going to lie to your closest friends, parents, siblings, or significant other to spare their feelings. And who are we to judge someone’s choices in their personal relationships?
Redditor u/BigAWhipSpider set out to satisfy our curiosity by asking the people of Reddit the question: “Other than cheating, what secret do you keep from your SO to prevent upsetting them?”
Some answers are so damn heartwarming that I want to call bullsh—t but we dug in and found some truly honest people who kept some hilarious truths from their partners. Here’s a list of the 15 best responses.
1.
“His favorite dip is like 80% mayo. He has a terrible aversion to mayo. His mom has made it when he’s not been around his whole life, and now I continue the charade.” –meguin
2.
“My wife thinks that our beta fish mojito lived for like 5 years. What she doesn’t know is that the role of mojito has been played by 3 separate beta fish over that time. RIP mojito 2 and 3.” –WingmanZer0
3.
“When my mom and dad started dating in college, my mom accidentally took the remote control from dad’s apartment. He and his roommates looked for it and fought about it for months, before she finally got up the courage to leave it on the arm of their sofa.” –notinmyjohndra
4.
“Every time before we leave the house I play a game where I try to guess what she’s going to need while we’re out and I grab it (e.g. a warm hat and extra set of gloves, a small snack, inhaler, battery pack for phone, etc.). Sometimes I like to slip it into her bag or purse without her noticing, other times I reveal that I had it all along in a critical moment.” –another_throwaway_97
5.
“Occasionally I hide bananas then make them reappear when they are brown just so she will make banana bread. ” –Richard-Hindquarters
6.
“SO misuses words — a LOT. I’m a language guy. I get the feeling that that is a soft spot on her that previous partners poked pretty hard, so I just internally cringe and say nothing about it. I usually know what she’s trying to say.” –gogozrx
7.
“My ex-girlfriend had a few too many shots of tequila in a party and passed out on the couch. When I went to check her, I noticed she pissed all over the couch. To avoid embarrassments, I filled up a bucket with water and threw it over her to disguise it as a prank (I’m that kind of boyfriend).
She still has no idea.” –lucioalvii
8.
“My current weight. We are both dieting together and I tend to lose weight much faster than her. I don’t want to discourage her if I’ve lost 2x as much weight in the same amount of time.” –RunToImagine
9.
“Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it. Doesn’t matter if it’s something like a package of Oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he’s never going to find it. I’ve tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He’d be mad if he knew how many snacks we’d hidden from him simply because he doesn’t bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet.” –gothiclg
10.
“I always watched ahead in Game of Thrones.
They talk during each episode, and I can tolerate it better if I’ve already seen the episode.” –Mortuan
