Jason Mustian
In the days of call waiting (I”m dating myself), it was always my biggest nightmare to somehow not actually hang up on someone when I was switching calls to talk s**t about them.
But it did/does still happen, at least if you judge from the responses to Redditor u/ScarTissue5‘s recent question:
Needless to say, the answers were, well, judge for yourself.
1. The horrible boss.
“I once worked as a secretary in an office that, for some reason, got butt-dialed a lot. During one such occasion I got to listen in while some gentleman from New York absolutely roasted one of his employees.
‘Well what the fuck do you expect me to do?’
‘Honestly, Tom, honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m f-cking your sister, your ass would be out of here right now.’”
2. The stupidest misogynists ever
“A colleague of mine dialed into a meeting of 2-3 managers plus about 25 sales reps only for everyone to suddenly go quiet and for one person to tell him the meeting was cancelled and he could drop as they (the sales reps) were just chatting sales stuff.
He pretended to hang up and stayed on the line.
They were basically planning a mutiny because they didn’t like that their regional manager was a woman. They had a whole strategy for how they were going to cause a massive fuck up that would cost the company a ton of money and look like it was her fault so she would get fired.
The dumb bastards even did a little ‘are we all in agreement’ roll call at the end.
We worked in a call center so his end of the call was recorded. Within a week every last one of them was fired and within a month they were replaced.”
3. The crazy landlord.
“This wasn’t a phone call, but happened as I was leaving a potential rental:
I was looking for a place to rent. Met the property manager and she walked me to the unit. It wasn’t the best neighborhood and my mind was already made up as I was walking around the property with her that I wasn’t going to go through with it. But the lady was very nice and friendly and I figured I’d at least take a look inside the unit.
It was small and dingy. I looked around and told her nicely that I’d think about it and then walked out. After the door closed, I could hear her screaming: “No, you f*cking won’t!! F*ck!!! Oh, I’ll think about it and let you know. Ah! F*ck!!”
Certainly glad I did not rent.”
4. The kitty-cat baby-talker
“I left a client a voicemail and thought I hung up but in fact I proceeded to talk baby talk to my roommates cat for several minutes while it was recording.”
5. MIL’s horrible boss
“My MIL had a new boss who hated her. She was about three years from retirement, and she felt like he was trying to push her out early so she’d lose part of her pension etc.
She asked me to check her answering machine while she was gone after her mother died and let her know if anything important came in, and to water her plants.
The third day or so I’d been there, there was a message from this boss giving his condolences. Then you could hear the click where he thought he’d hung up but must have placed the receiver just wrong and was still on the line. He ruthlessly made fun of her with his wife for the next five minutes before saying ‘Oh, shit!’ and hanging up.
She was at a really low point in her life, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her or leave the message on the machine. It would have absolutely crushed her. But I did record it, and then I deleted it from her machine.
Then I called that asshole and told him what I had, why I wasn’t telling her RIGHT NOW (but absolutely would if needed in the future), and told him I’d better hear nothing but how wonderful work was going for her and how well she was treated until she retired. I told him I didn’t even understand what a piece of shit you had to be to talk about someone like that behind their back, and especially at such a time in their life.
And that’s exactly what happened. She had a wonderful last few years and figured that her mother dying had opened him up to treat her kindly and with respect.
That was twenty years ago and I never told her and never will. I wouldn’t want to ever take those last few years there away from her.”
— skbiglia
6. The “incoming”
“I worked in sales (inbound call) and had a pleasant conversation with a customer who politely declined the offer and told me she was going to look elsewhere. We said our goodbyes, nothing out of the ordinary. Really sweet lady, had called in with her husband.
As soon as she thought she hung up, she slammed her phone down and starts yelling at her husband ‘fuck (company name) are you fucking shitting me right now? $350 a fucking year? I’m not paying that much for this goddamn piece of shit (product) how the fuck could that bitch pitch that with a straight fucking face?’
I gave her the decency of hanging up myself after that but she was 100% in the right being pissed haha.
Edit: inbound means she called us to update, not the other way around for those confused. I said she was justified because the company sucks dicks. It was exactly what she called in for, just with a price increase she wasn’t expecting.”
7. The phone-bill scammer
“I had a job where I was in a position to write-off a substantial phone bill, which the customer said was because her mother was dying overseas and she had dementia and needed to hear things in her voice to believe anything, including doctor’s instructions. She was heartbroken and sobbing about how if she had the kind of money to pay this phone bill, she would have just gone back to her country because the flight would have cost less (she was right about that).
I wrote-off the entirety of the phone bill, she cried like a jilted lover in a rom-com and said people like me are angels from god etc.
After I wished her a good evening and she thought the call was ended, she says to someone in a perfectly normal voice ‘Well, that worked!’”
8. The bad houseguest
“Not quite the same, but… My parents told me a story about a long term houseguest that was problematic and difficult. When she finally walked out the door, apparently the relief was so great that my parents and older siblings started dancing around declaring happily, ‘She’s gone! She’s gone!’ Only to look up and see her standing in the doorway again. She had come back in to retrieve her umbrella by the door and had heard everything!
And that’s why for many years, my parents would joke, ‘Don’t forget your umbrella,’ to departing guests. 😂”
— TotoFour
9. The meeting that really should’ve been an email
“I have a ‘not muted’ story
Webex, 500 people on the call, right when everyone was getting used to working remotely. Whoever set it up didn’t mute the audience by default.
The chaos was amazing. Dozens of people simultaneously unmuted and going about their lives. Dogs barking, kids crying, kitchen utensils clanging, the call leaders PLEADING for people to mute themselves.
My favorite part was when they had things mostly quiet, about 5 people were still unmuted, including one guy who thought he was muted who yelled ‘JESUS F-CKING CHRIST PEOPLE, MUTE YOUR FUCKING PHONES’ before realizing he was not on mute.
They threw in the towel and ended the 1.5 hour meeting after 15 minutes”
— qft
10. Another stupid misogynist
“Had a boss take a phone call while he was going through drive through. Me and a female colleague were talking to him, he told us he had to order, then apparently forgot we were still on the line.
He said the female coworker I was with was only good for her giant tits and she needed a good dick in the ass to lose her attitude. There was someone else in the car with him apparently.
She left the company but I hear she got a handsome severance package.
11. The guy who dropped a Number 3 and then yelled “F*CK!”
“I was in a remote work conference call which was interrupted by the unmistakable sounds of a person performing their first and second necessities on the toilet.
It went on for some time, and at the moment of the flush, the meeting organizer circumspectly said, ‘everyone who is not speaking please go on mute.’
Suddenly a person yelled ‘F—-CK!!’ and dropped from the call.
The meeting chair was trying to be a bro, because with all the other unmuted people and mild sounds of chirping birds and typing, we didn’t yet realize who it was, and we only identified the dumb sap by the sound of his voice and the ‘Toiletboi is leaving the meeting’ notice.”
Poor guy never lived it down.
— takatori
12. The “stupid f*ck”
“‘Stupid fuck fell for it.’ This from a student’s parent while I was excusing their kid from an assignment they missed because their grandmother just died. She hadn’t. Still, the kid wouldn’t pass the class under any circumstances because he was a complete knob. Once I talked to his parents I knew why. So he still failed the class even without the assignment. So I know one of us was the stupid fuck, just not sure it’s the same person they think it is.
— Spodson
13. The cheater
“Found out I was single this way back when I was in the Army.
I got the chance to call my girlfriend and took it. It was a nice call; she told me what she’d been up to and all that. We made plans for some leave I would be getting soon, we said goodbye and she hung up
I still had a few minutes so I just sat there, holding the phone so the next guy wouldn’t hassle me for it, when I hear from the line:
Male Voice: So when’s he coming back?
Ex-Girlfriend: Not for a couple of weeks, we have plenty of time.
MV: You’re going to break up with him before that, right?
Ex: Of course!
I hung up and felt like shit, ghosted her when I went on leave, later found out she’s been seeing the other guy for a while. Didn’t see her for years and years, until one day, I was taking my kid to get pizza at a place in a strip mall and there she was, standing next to an SUV, staring at me like she’d seen a ghost. I waved, went inside and that was it.”
14. The attempted “SWAT”
“Back when I still worked in a 911 center, I got a call that was pretty obviously a swatting attempt. Describing a hellish situation feet from them but silent in the background, normal tone of voice, phone not showing remotely near the area they’re describing. (Note: I started two calls, one where they said it was in case it was true and one where their phone was actually showing with all the details so we were CYA in case of real issues, but actually investigating what was likely happening)…
Anyway. After a bit they say they have to hang up because it’s not safe to stay on the phone. Then I hear pocket rustling sounds and the same person talking in the background about how ‘that bitch Anna is gonna get what she deserves when them “Poh-leece” show up and point them guns at her’ and a bunch of laughing, clearly not meant to be heard by me.
So I add that all in too. Anyway, PD found them pretty quick, because the area they were actually calling from was very low density population. Hearing them panic when they saw PD outside of their house was a special kind of fun.”
15. The drug dealer
“A patient called and left a voicemail for med refill, thought he hung up and then proceeded to negotiate a drug deal with someone for the refill he just requested.”
16. The wannabe identity thief
“When I worked at a call center back when iphones were new, they were a big target for thieves. They would get ahold of someones account info ( always set up a pin with your provider) and order 6 phones on new lines ( the maximum we could send out ) and change the shipping address to ge the phones. Any order over 2 phones and I had to automatically set up an investigation with loss prevention. I went through the whole accpunt set up process for all 6 phones ( took like an hour ) just to hear the dumbass tell his buddy that he thought I was falling for it when I was really setting him up for a visit from the police. One of the only times I didnt hate that job with all my soul.”
17. The sweet Hershey’s rep having a bad day
“Maybe a month or two ago, working as a cook.
The kitchen gets a call from Hershey’s, to ask if there’s anything we need to add to our next order. I was just back from vacation, so I put the phone down, and went to the office to ask my boss. Boss wasn’t available at the moment, so I went back to the kitchen, and picked up the phone, where I heard:
‘Ohhh, my life is a nightmare…’ in a very exasperated, yet slightly sing-songy voice.
I told her I was sorry about her life, but we’d have to call back.
She immediately snapped back into her overly-cheerful professional mode, and says, ‘Okay, thank you sir. Also, I’m sorry about that last bit.’
If she’s reading this, it’s all cool. We’ve all been there.”
18. The FIL who is basically Homer Simpson
“My FIL was an independent truck driver. His office was in the home. One night we were staying there when he got back from a long haul. He went to the bar before going home to wind down. He called my MIL and she had it on speakerphone because she was cooking. After they ‘hung up’ we hear, ‘Well that’s done. Okay people I have $1000 in my pocket! Drinks are on me!’ MIL, hubby and I all just froze. She then slowly put down the spatula, walked in the office and grabbed the work phone. FIL is just steady running his mouth. MIL had called the bar and asked for him. We hear a muffled ‘your wife is on the phone.’ She then says very calmly, ‘There had better be $950 in your pocket when you get home or don’t come home. And hang up your phone.’ She hung up and busted out laughing so hard she had tears. I assume he came home with the money since we didn’t hear any argument when he got home. My MIL was great. Just as calm as could be through the whole thing. Then losing her shit as soon as she hung up. Man I miss her. RIP Mom.”
19. Your childhood friend, Lucifer
“not hung up, just talked to someone else and thought I couldn’t listen
When I was kid, I phoned a friend to call him to come to my home, so he went ask to his mother, and she called him ‘angel,’ and he said ‘I not an angel, I’m the devil,’ then she yelled at him while I pissed myself laughing (figuratively)”
20. Another stupid misogynist . . . who couldn’t even cheat right and lost all his friends
“I was at a bar with some friends when one of the guys was bitching about his long-term GF. To us (which is fine, that’s what friends are for). To the bartender (whatever, he gets paid to listen to people bitch and he couldn’t care less)…. To the girl he was attempting to hit on (which is not something we’ve seen from him before).
Then his GF called him to ask something real quick, he answers her question, then puts the phone down and turns to the girl saying ‘See, that’s what I’m talking about, not only can she not fuck, but she can’t figure basic things out for herself, that’s why I want out. I want a girl who can think for herself.. and a girl that can fuck right (wink)’
(side note: the ‘thinking for myself’ thing was something he overheard the girl had been saying about herself in an earlier conversation with her friend about her career path).
I look down and see the the phone screen still on, the timer still counting up.
I nudge my friend and nod towards the phone, he picks it up confused, thinking someone must’ve called him or something, and said ‘Hello?’ but only heard a click.
Later that night he got home and rightfully found all his shit in the yard. 4 year relationship ended over it. He called me at 3am asking if he could crash at my place. Of course I let him, I’m not going to let a friend be literally stuck out in the cold.
He stayed for a week while I helped negotiate the breakup to keep it as amicable as possible, as someone trusted by both parties I helped make sure he could collect his things without her having to be there, and did my best to be the ‘neutral 3rd party arbitrator.’
After a week he moved in with some other people and I told him that while I’m glad I could be there for him in his time of need, the ‘need’ was self-produced and that I could no longer be friends with someone who would be willing to treat other people the way he did that night at the bar.
He was shocked, but it’s something the rest of our friend group discussed and none of us were comfortable with”
