21.
When I heard my wife say to my then three-year-old son, “[Name], please stop sniffing all the cars.”
We were walking through a parking lot.—prophetcat
22.
I was at my sisters for thanksgiving and my niece who is 5 went to feed the dog she was out of eye sight for maybe two min when my sister yells “stop eating the dog food!” and you can hear my niece drop the bowl out of fright because she got caught. My sister never got off the couch and I laughed about it for like 10min straight. —Pencilowner
23.
When I was 11 we were at a park that had one of those swirly slides that is kind of like a tunnel. Well, I wanted to act like a mountain climber and tie a rope around myself and jump down the slide to climb back up.
“What was the best spot to tie the rope?”, I asked myself. The neck. Good location to easily grab the rope and pull myself back up, plus convenient tying spot. My parents ran to me yelling and stopped me mid knot, tying a rope around my neck to jump down a slide… In retrospect, I’m a dumbass. —ooolay
24.
As a kid I would always try to touch hot things (like the stove or the clothes iron) even after my mom warned me. She eventually figured “fuck it, she can touch it, burn herself and learn her lesson.” Well, I did not learn the first time, or the second time, or the third time.
Honestly my mother lost count on how many times I actually burned myself. She started guarding me again (since I was clearly too dumb to learn from my mistakes) so I got smarter about how to get around her. I couldn’t make the connection of “careful it’s hot=it will hurt like hell=don’t touch it but I could make the connection of do it quickly/pretend like you listened=you’ll be able to touch it. —caneeed
25.
When my daughter was around 5 years old, i told her to start putting her toys away. She told me she couldnt because she didnt have any hands….while showing me her hands. —Rosie_skies
26.
Lose debit card. Go through painful renewal process. Finally arrives in the mail. Kid asks can I see it? He takes it and bends it in half.—Naniwayuri
27.
My son came home one afternoon from school with one shoe.
Me: What happened to your other shoe?
Son: I lost it.
M: What? What do you mean you lost it?
S: I lost it. I don’t know where it is.
M: So, uh, when did you lose your shoe?
S: At lunch.
M: So you’ve been walking around all afternoon with only one shoe?
S: Yup.
M: *begins to understand why hamsters eat their young* —churplaf