Jason Mustian
As a millennial dad of four (yes, four), I’ve gotten every version of grandparent feedback — from subtle eyebrow raises to flat-out “We didn’t do it that way.”
Sometimes it’s helpful. Sometimes it’s a passive-aggressive grenade disguised as “just wondering.” And sometimes it’s straight-up criticism, complete with an unsolicited story about how their kids turned out “just fine.”
But here’s the thing — most of us aren’t parenting this way to be trendy or difficult. We’ve got research, mental health awareness, and lived experience on our side. And the gap between those approaches and “back in my day” is where the tension lives.
If you’re a boomer grandparent, these might feel baffling. If you’re a millennial parent, you’ll probably just nod and say, “Yep. Every. Time.”
1. “Gentle Parenting” (or as they’d call it “Soft Parenting”)
Boomers often hear “gentle parenting” and picture a lawless toddler kingdom. In reality, it’s a discipline approach rooted in empathy, boundaries, and emotional regulation.
According to developmental psychologists, children learn better from consistent, respectful correction than from fear-based discipline. That doesn’t mean no consequences — it means the consequences are explained and connected to the behavior.
So when I calmly explain why we’re leaving the park instead of barking “Because I said so,” it’s not permissiveness. It’s modeling emotional control so my kids eventually internalize it. The result? Fewer meltdowns and better long-term self-regulation — even if it doesn’t look as “in charge” as a 1980s kitchen-table lecture.
2. Skipping the ‘clean plate’ rule
Boomers grew up hearing “There are starving kids in China who’d love that dinner” at least once a week. And they told us millennials that too. Guess what? It really didn’t work.
But, ok fair, for many, leaving food behind still feels wasteful or even disrespectful. But modern nutrition advice leans toward teaching kids to listen to their bodies instead of eating past fullness.
According to pediatric dietitians, forcing children to clear their plates can disrupt natural hunger cues and contribute to overeating later in life. Instead, we focus on offering balanced meals and letting kids decide how much to eat from what’s provided.
It’s not about encouraging picky eating or wasting food — it’s about helping them develop a healthy, intuitive relationship with eating. And yes, sometimes that means broccoli stays on the plate, and the dog gets lucky.
3. No more forcing hugs for Grandma
This one always gets a raised eyebrow. Boomers often see refusing to make a child hug grandma as disrespect. But modern child psychology frames it as teaching bodily autonomy from an early age.
According to experts in child safety, allowing kids to decide when and how to show affection builds confidence in setting boundaries — a skill that protects them later in life.
It’s not about withholding love from family members. It’s about making sure kids know their “no” matters, even in low-stakes situations. If my daughter says she’d rather wave than hug, it’s not personal — it’s practice for recognizing and asserting her comfort level.
4. Talking about our feelings
For some grandparents, our generation’s constant “How did that make you feel?” feels indulgent. But emotional literacy is as important as reading or math.
Research on emotional intelligence shows that kids who can identify and articulate feelings handle stress, conflict, and relationships better as they grow.
So yes, I ask my son how he felt when his Lego broke — not to overanalyze, but to help him connect frustration to problem-solving. In the boomer playbook, you might have told him to “toughen up.” In mine, I’m teaching him the tools to navigate life without bottling it up until it explodes.
5. Taking spanking (and other punishments) off the table
This one sparks the most debates because many boomers see spanking as discipline that “worked.” But decades of research link corporal punishment to increased aggression, anxiety, and antisocial behavior in children.
Modern parenting trends lean on natural consequences, time-outs, and restorative conversations instead. That doesn’t mean my kids never misbehave — it means I’m not using pain to enforce rules.
When I tell my mom we don’t spank, she sometimes smirks and says, “Well, you turned out fine.” I smile back, thinking of the hours I’ve spent unlearning certain coping patterns. “Fine” isn’t my goal. Thriving is.
6. Letting kids be heard.
To some grandparents, a five-year-old giving input on dinner is “spoiled.” To us, it’s practicing decision-making and negotiation skills in safe environments.
Psychologists note that offering kids limited choices helps develop autonomy while still maintaining structure. This could be as small as choosing between broccoli or green beans, or picking which book we read before bed.
It’s not about making them the boss — it’s about teaching that their voice matters, even in family life. Yes, I could just put food in front of them. But inviting them into the process pays off in independence later.
7. Taking a “Mental Health day” (the concept infuriates them)
Many boomers take pride in “never missing a day of school.” But our generation is more likely to keep kids home if they’re mentally or emotionally overloaded — not just physically sick.
Child development research shows that chronic stress in kids can affect concentration, mood, and even long-term health. Sometimes, a day to reset is worth more than slogging through lessons on autopilot.
This doesn’t mean skipping school for every bad mood. It means treating mental health days as part of a balanced approach to learning and life. And no, we don’t need a fake cough to justify it.
8. Not treating kids like mini-adults
Boomers often grew up in households where children were “seen, not heard.” We see our kids as developing humans whose voices matter now, not just when they’re grown.
That means explaining rules instead of dictating them, involving them in certain decisions, and acknowledging their feelings — even if we ultimately make the call. According to modern parenting research, this approach builds trust and cooperation, not just compliance.
It’s not about putting kids on the same level as adults in all things. It’s about recognizing their humanity and giving them room to grow into it.
Every generation parents differently because the world — and what we know about child development — changes. Boomers raised kids in a time with less mental health awareness, fewer safety studies, and different cultural pressures.
Millennials are parenting in a hyper-connected, high-information, high-anxiety world. We’re blending science, empathy, and boundaries to raise kids who can thrive in it.
That doesn’t mean our way is perfect or that boomer wisdom has no place. It means the conversation works best when it’s less “You’re doing it wrong” and more “Here’s what worked for me — what’s working for you?”
Because at the end of the day, both generations want the same thing: happy, healthy kids who grow into decent adults. The rest is just negotiation.