If you’ve ever worked in retail, you know how the public can be. When they’re not being downright awful, entitled, and demanding, they’re usually making a mess in aisle two, asking some sort of idiot question, or, you know, drunkenly crapping their pants. Yup. Working retail—whether you’re at a big-box retailer or a small pet shop—can be a literal sh*t show.
Luckily, someone over at Reddit, a user named Dead—Inside, asked employees what sort of nonsense they’ve witnessed on the job. To our entertainment (but sadly, not to our surprise), these poor folks have seen a lot.
From stealing very large, weirdly-shaped objects and stuffing them into small hoodies (?!) to trying to coax large reptiles out of glass cages, here’s the sort of crap actual human beings do:
“I was at work in an ice cream shop. A lady comes in and orders a vanilla milkshake. She gets this nasty look on her face when I add the milk, but shrugs it off when I ask her about it. So I’m ringing her out, and she pays, and then goes right to my owner and complains about the service: “I’d like to let you know that the ‘boy’ who just served me (I’m 19) was very rude to me.”
“What’d he do ma’am?”
“He made my milkshake with milk in it and I’m lactose intolerant. I demand a refund and for him to be fired.” I’m just sitting here dumbfounded how anyone could be so stupid. Ice cream, by it’s very nature, Has milk.”—HopSins01
“Worked at a pet store and watched a guy try and shove a huge aquarium filter in his hoodie. Then he had the balls to approach the counter with this protruding abnormally from his belly and tried to buy something. I laughed and told him to return it or I’d call the cops, he looked shook up, waddled back to the aisle and put it on the shelf. I told him on the way out to never return. Another one from the pet store was back when Finding Nemo came out a guy called in about getting a clownfish. So we explained the requirements of setting up a saltwater tank. The guy says “aww that’s way to much work can’t I just paint a goldfish?” We all had a good laugh about that one.”—SchwiftySqaunch
“The woman who was arguing with me (I was working in the produce dept of a grocery store) about how she didn’t like how one side of the watermelon was flatter, paler, and a little dirty. I said, “That’s just how they get when they are on the ground.” “What do you mean, ‘when they are on the ground’?” she thought watermelons grew on trees.”—NecroJoe
“I used to work at a hotel that was dog-friendly. One night someone came to the lobby, grabbed a newspaper, and then grabbed a “cookie” from the ceramic jar labeled “woof” directly above the dog bowl. He bit into it before I could stop him, and his embarrassment quickly switched to rage when he realized his mistake and that I had seen it. He, without exaggeration, screamed full volume for a minimum of 15 minutes about how awful it is on our part to have dog treats that look like cookies (they were the most generic dog treat you can imagine, I’ve never seen a human cookie look like one) in a jar without a label (the jar said woof). I think the dumb part wasn’t even the mistake of eating it, but the attempt to blame us for his own stupidity.”—gah514
“My girlfriend works at a reptile store. There are signs plastered on every surface that clearly say “DO NOT OPEN ANY CAGES ASK A REPRESENTATIVE IF YOU WANT TO SEE AN ANIMAL” Well, these two girls strolled in and just decided they were going to open up the tank of a Burmese Python, which is a massive snake that if hungry would probably not hesitate to attempt to feast on a hand. Luckily a couple employees saw and flipped out on them. To this day I do not know what made those girls think they had any business reaching opening and reaching into a giant snake’s tank.”—gamercboy5
“I was working the customer service desk at a grocery store a few years ago, we sold Keurig coffee makers. Some dude tried to steal one, box and all, by putting in under his hoodie and walking out the door. When confronted by management for his obviously box-shaped torso he decided to sprint for the door. The door he chose only opens automatically from one direction, not the one he was going either. So he slams face first into the door, broke a pane of glass and knocked himself the f*ck out. I was on the floor struggling to breath from laughter for a solid 5 minutes.”— jkoh
“Furniture store I worked at. Smaller items (anything smaller than a recliner) could be arranged to be shipped to the store for pick up, saving the customer the delivery fee, but the customer just has to bring a proper vehicle to pick it up. So a couple comes in saying they have an order to pick up. I ask if they have the receipt (we give a physical paper one and an email one) and they say yes, but don’t get anything from a pocket. After about 10 seconds of silence I say “…can I have it?”
To which they reply, “I don’t see how that’s relevant, let me talk to the manager”. Manager was right there since I was fairly new, and eventually got the receipt from them, they paid their remaining balance, and I got the item for them (a twin-sized bunk bed). These people had a tiny car (civic or something) and it was packed up like they were going on a month-long road trip, and they complained about us not telling them the box would be that big (packaging dimensions are listed online). They had to leave it with us. They never came back for their fully paid for bed. We sent it back to the warehouse and sold it again. They left a 1-star review of the store, and acted like we were the villains for not giving them (who could have been randos off the street until they gave us the reciept) their product and for not helping them load it into their car. The review was taken down. We had a good laugh about it the next morning.”—White-Luster-Soldier
“This actually happened today. I’m a food and drink vendor so I go to different stores everyday to see if they need anything that we sell. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that happens but this one is still fresh. So I’m in an aisle at one of these stores and this old man wearing a mask(which is good) calls out to me and asks me if I work at said store. This happens a lot and it’s not a big deal. I tell him “Sorry no, I’m a vendor”. He laughs and apologizes. I walk away and proceed 3 aisles down.
Same guy comes up to me and asks me again. I tell him that I’m the same guy he just asked. He laughs and apologizes profusely. He then says that he’s looking for coffee filters and can’t find it. Having an idea of where it is, I walk him to the aisle where the coffee is and point to where the filters are on the shelf. Nothing really dumb going on at this point. Just a little funny. He then starts to firmly pat me on both shoulders continuously while thanking me. This guy has a mask on but just reached out and rubbed his hands all over me. F*ckin a.”—Gloomy_Objective
“I watched a toddler drink nail polish. His mom didn’t do anything besides take the bottle and do the weird violent angry whisper thing.”—ddenis69420
“As someone who worked in retail, people who get things, put it in their cart, walk around the store, then realize they don’t want it and plop it where they currently are. Extra hate if it is a cold/hot item.”—benx101