Jason Mustian
First off, do yourself a favor and go follow Trevor Lahey, aka @greaseball1987 on Instagram.
Trevor, who pretends to be a “Certified Caulk Installer” in this genius parody account, pairs classic internet construction fails with captions that “justify” his terrible design and function decisions as a construction “expert.”
Here are some of his best “explanations.”
1. “I love it when my clients send me pictures of my work after I have left. It really shows how satisfied they are with the work!”
2. “Generally speaking toilets are poorly designed, way too many twists and turns. I like to elevate the shitter as much as possible so when you’re dropping bombs it’s a straight drop to the city! Feeling like a Gargoyle up on your perch is just a bonus!”
3. “Keep those pesky drafts at bay with a tight bead of caulk! Think of the energy savings! The more money in my customers pocket means more billable hours on my invoice “
4. “Ever been walking down the stairs and found out that your phone needed a charge!? I have come up with the solution! The best part is there is a built-in seat while you wait for your phone to finish charging. Comfort and convenience are key in this business! Don’t feel like waiting? You can safely tuck the cord and phone tight up against the kickboard, and it will be safe and out of the way!”
5. “Turning a 1.5 bath home into a 2.5 bath is surprisingly easy. I’m surprised more humans don’t do it! It immediately increases the value of the home…. not to mention the cost savings on the water; I can be dropping a bomb simultaneously as my friend yet it’s only gonna take 6L to send them home!”
6. “I started removing this tub surround so I could prep for tile and my oh my it was my lucky day. There was already tile installed. After a quick tidy up I’ll be submitting my bill and then onto the next one!”
8. “I always leave the barcode facing out. This way it stays clean and easily scannable when you decide to return the tiles.”
9. “When installing vanities, I generally make a few reference holes so I can get my bearings in relation to the pipe. I usually get it in 4-6 holes, it doesn’t really matter if you go over though, as it’s the inside of the cabinet. When I’m done I caulk the holes so the rats can’t get through, and then toss a pack of sponges on top! In the end, no one is the wiser! “
10. “Home Depot only stocks 8′ lengths of laminate countertops so I had to make up this extension. I love doing custom work because it is so satisfying when you take a step back and see a job well done! The average person would not have been able to pull this off!”
