It’s never the awesome kick-ass stuff you’ve done that comes to mind late at night when you’re trying to sleep. Instead, you’re haunted by ghosts of all your stupidest, most embarrassing mistakes. I think of a few of my worst memories as the All-Star Team of humiliation. I might forget them for a time, but they always come around to play a big game.
Writer Sarah Schauer is known for putting it all out there on the Internet and now she’s known for putting it all out there in her tattoo artist’s office. She shared one of her worst memories on Twitter of interacting with someone she was paying for a service, writing, “having a bad flashback to the time I got my hip tattoo and I took off my pants and underwear and the tattoo artist said I absolutely did not need to.”
The story immediately brought one character to mind for many, Andy from The Office dropping trout for a butt tattoo:
Was it like this? pic.twitter.com/5oMFkG3QJx
— Dr. Buttrey (@little___lotte) August 17, 2020
And for many others, it brought up their own buried memories of accidentally exposing themselves for absolutely no reason to various professionals. Tattoo artists, the masseuse, doctors and nurses galore, and various other people with the misfortune of interacting with human bodies as part of their job.
Reading hilarious goof-up after goof-up has convinced me of one thing: if someone says “undress” I will absolutely be demanding they be more specific. I’d rather ask an embarrassing question than have someone see my genitals for no medical reason.
1.
reminds me of the first time I got a Pap smear and they told me to undress completely but did not tell me they gave me a paper gown to put on after undressing and I just sat there Naked and Afraid ™. Luckily I called my mom before anyone came in and she kindly let me know
— Ceci (@junglecruisin) August 17, 2020
2.
I have a rib/side boob tattoo. I was covering my boob while the artist was taking an after picture and he said, “Can you move your hand down?” and I completely let go of my titty, and he was like, “Um… no. The other one. The one that’s on your hip.”
— Carl (@carlyproblemz) August 17, 2020
3.
When I got my sternum finished I let a whole titty fall out wo noticing and my poor tattoo artist had to pull my shirt down for me. Super respectful dude though, he let me approve any photos he took and cropped them in front of me while saying he doesn’t want any weirdos in my DM
— skeleton bitch ACAB (@tacoherder) August 17, 2020
4.
you were like “here is the before!”
— Tired. ✿ (@mochamell_) August 17, 2020
5.
it’s a Dolly Parton tattoo for anyone wondering, I know you’re not, but like I’m excited so
— Becca » (@ChoopieJrNews) August 17, 2020
6.
once i was getting a henna tattoo (was probs about 13yo) and the tattooer said “pls place your hand on a knee” but i thought he meant HIS knee and yes, it was awkward and yes, the whole interaction still haunts me daily
— tama-shite-ass (@theHopeanator) August 17, 2020
7.
first time I got a massage they told me to undress and lay down and they’d be right back so I was laying there naked on the table when she came back and was like.. no .. u go under the covers while shielding her eyes
— PHILLY (@cuzclifford) August 17, 2020
8.
reminds me of the time I got an echocardiogram and had to lay sideways topless in a paper gown and my tiddy kept falling out & on top of the doctor’s hand as she was pressing instruments on my chest. she had to keep manually moving the tiddy. I would’ve rather just passed away.
— kermit’s blep (@kermitsblep) August 18, 2020
9.
One time I went to get a physical and my doctor ordered an EKG to check something she heard – they told me to totally strip and the nurse did the EKG
Doctor came in to check on the results and said “oh next time she can keep her clothes on”
— n (@disposaphobia) August 17, 2020
10.
I once went in to get an asthma test (you just do a breathalyzer) and a nurse came in and told me to strip. Had my completely naked in a gown with an EKG hooked up to me before she went “oh no you’re the asthma patient aren’t you”
I was just worried it was a very intense test
— Shady Scientician (@ShdyScientician) August 18, 2020
11.
I just glared at the nurse in the corner like “why did you make me do this” and she wouldn’t look me in the eye
— Sabrina Simpson (@SabrinaJSimpson) August 17, 2020