Ruin My Week
There are tons of funny women on Twitter.
These women write tons of funny tweets.
We sift through all of these tweets (yes, every SINGLE one if my boss is reading this).
Then we take the best ones and we slap them right here in this list. You are welcome.
1.
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
2.
HOW has this just happened?!?!??!!? pic.twitter.com/lSJJqQmNik
— Cez👁 (@HardyCerys) April 30, 2019
3.
https://twitter.com/_dlew32/status/1122946709628313601
4.
which one of my flatmates is cooking a single chicken nugget … i cba pic.twitter.com/O1rxacxA2o
— holly (@holly_warcup) May 1, 2019
5.
“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Panera.” pic.twitter.com/s3mnaodd0k
— Jah. (@Jeesa_Jay) May 2, 2019
6.
i'm whichever meyers briggs type loses interest in finishing the test halfway
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 1, 2019
7.
S/o to my 11 year old brother for grabbing my wax pen when i forgot it in the car 😂😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/1cuVRJe6Ok
— lalita🌻 (@lalaa_408) May 3, 2019
8.
The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I'm 80
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 30, 2019
9.
https://twitter.com/issamariumali/status/1123051903653486592
10.
Wherever all my Tupperware lids are, I truly hope that they are happy
— Sam G (@ItsSamG) May 1, 2019
11.
Owned by my boarding pass pic.twitter.com/3RWiWogPWL
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) May 3, 2019
12.
*shows up 45 minutes late for my interview to be a cable installer*
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 1, 2019
13.
[dipping my feather quill into the inkwell and adjusting my spectacles] dearest diary, it seems the day is different but the shit remaineth the same
— kaci sue who (@kacisuewho) April 30, 2019
14.
You had 2 hours to put your shoes on… https://t.co/TDGYz2vwr1
— regn (@itsregn) May 1, 2019
15.
every shirt Anthony Michael Hall wears in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS looks like something I would willingly spend $65 on from Madewell pic.twitter.com/WCn95VNyqe
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) May 2, 2019
16.
i do one thing a day that scares me. i wake up
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 1, 2019
17.
yes it does lmao https://t.co/1T0jEWDsmI
— cayleigh (@angeryvenus) May 1, 2019
18.
Plants in the wild: taking whatever Mother Nature throws at them and thriving
Houseplants: “you watered me on Sunday versus Saturday so now I must die”
— Ashley Mayer (@ashleymayer) April 28, 2019
19.
my boyfriend is making me beef stroganoff because he is not only my boyfriend, but also my mother and it is the year 1976
— rax ‘dirtbag valedictorian’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) May 1, 2019
20.
R.I.P my moms vagina pic.twitter.com/KgCOjGZse7
— carolube (@bananaemojis) August 13, 2017
21.
Game of Thrones is clearly fantasy because the leaders try to deal with the existential threat to humanity first
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 29, 2019
22.
“i’m wearing an old college sweatshirt for the first time since i graduated & i think it’s covered in 5 yr old blowjob cum from a guy who sang acapella i actually saw him at a zara 6 months ago but ran away bc i got nervous“- me introducing myself to my seat mates on this plane
— Catherine Cohen (@catcohen) April 28, 2019
23.
My dog just watched me eat a Pepto Bismol tab the way I watched my friend make out with my crush at junior prom
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 3, 2019
24.
https://twitter.com/kendraaaleighh/status/1123797807364747264
