There are funny women on Twitter.
They write funny tweets.
We find the best of those tweets.
We share them with you.
That is the deal.
EVERY WOMAN IN MY LIFE: juggling 3 jobs, does yoga, cooks, goes to therapy, remembers everyone's birthday
THEIR BOYFRIENDS: once almost made a dinner reservation but turns out the place was closed
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 17, 2019
me: i’m sad i need a purpose
my brain: did u say a purchase
— diana (@DlANADEE) April 21, 2019
why is no one on my tl talking about miss sophie referring to gendry as an easter bunny hop hop hopping into that PUSSAY? pic.twitter.com/aA9budFhwz
— maia (@maia419) April 22, 2019
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
why does she turn Scottish when she says ‘don’t’ 😫 https://t.co/Qh7bKr3jfS
— Leila Wilcock (@LeilaWilcock) April 23, 2019
My daughter called me into the bathroom for an “emergency” only for me to find this. These kids don’t respect my time 🙄 pic.twitter.com/l2oZCxVhRw
— Aisha R Pandor (@aishapandor) April 18, 2019
A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS:
Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe
Man #2: No it’s a chippy chip
— magdalena (@madisonbosil) April 21, 2019
This is, and I cannot stress this enough, a dentist’s office pic.twitter.com/TXnB891Dvl
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) April 22, 2019
I went to lunch with friends and saw my husband at the restaurant. I was going to say his name but he was staring at his phone so I watched him.
He was smiling.
Then my phone dinged. And it was a video he forwarded of a dog wrestling a water hose. This is love.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 24, 2019
Might fuck around and do a line of pollen
— Steph (@stEPH_u_) April 25, 2019
me walking into the same coffee shop every day to get my same order of iced coffee from the same employees who see me 7 times a week pic.twitter.com/Qy1OQgChtQ
— 𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔥 (@ULTRAGLOSS) April 20, 2019
retweet to protect the starks this week pic.twitter.com/z3PhigNX6T
— maia (@amidalastark) April 22, 2019
My dad: when was the last time u checked ur oil
— madi crews (@madicrews8) April 3, 2019
going to rock bottom do you guys need anything
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 22, 2019