Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the funniest tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
If u say fuck off backwards it still says fuck off but in an English accent
— morag (@mxrganlynch) May 21, 2018
[first time hearing bag pipes]
ME: What a pleasant experience.
[1 minute later]
ME: This can stop.
— Consider John frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) May 6, 2018
friend: girls love sensitive guys
— Alien Skier (@ClichedOut) May 23, 2018
[watching the sunset after getting a sunburn] that’s what i fucken thought, coward
— Kal (@captainkalvis) May 21, 2018
[i get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says “i’m leaving and i’m taking the kids”]
ME: *unplugs fridge from power outlet* you’re not going anywhere you piece of shit
— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) May 18, 2018
me: [uses hand sanitizer]
.01% of germs: what the fuck just happened
— Shen the Bird (@Shen_the_Bird) May 22, 2018
[shopping for shower curtain]
and this can double as a cape right
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) May 21, 2018
Me handing out pamphlets in front of church: “Have you heard the good news?”
Passer-by: “Sorry. I’m Jewish”
*Me wondering why everyone keeps telling me their religion instead of taking my pamphlet detailing how I finally got laid last night: “That’s cool too, I guess.”
— 🇺🇸Frank Whitehouse 🇺🇸 (@WheelTod) May 23, 2018
Starve a cold, pizza a panic attack.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) January 13, 2016
every girl whose idea of flirting was by stealing someones hat is pregnant now
— ✨Jordan Clark (@howyouyougood) May 16, 2018
me[after traveling back in time]: what’s up im from the future im smart as hell & can solve all your problems
1800’s guy: hell yeah can you solve this math problem
me: yea lemme googl-oh shit
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) May 1, 2018
My book group read “Ventriloquism for Dummies” this month. We met in the living room, but it sounded like we were in the kitchen.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) May 23, 2018
Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:
1. Stay together forever
2. Break up
— Spanky McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson) October 5, 2014
Accidently smiled at someone again because I was thinking about food.
— elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) May 14, 2018
[inventing the hot air balloon] I don’t give a fuck where I go
— Troutman (@robotrowboat) May 16, 2018
Before you go, you should read these very funny tweets from last week.