Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago.
Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
— Sarah Lyons (@sarbeaaaar) January 3, 2017
when u got a promotion at work but the chardonnay is subpar & your marriage is slowly crumbling pic.twitter.com/Rwo8cuwURt
— lil jon lovitz (@nbadag) April 28, 2016
WOLF: I can't do this
FEMALE WOLF: Just focus on me, babe.
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: The male penetrates the female
WOLF: He's so creepy
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) April 14, 2016
HER: do u have a condom
ME: u bet [whistles]
[an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat]
H: holy shit
M: ya sometimes he brings cats
— a ghost, online (@AbrasiveGhost) May 3, 2016
I like it when they put 'the end' after a movie, so that you know not to stay sat in your seat for the rest of your life.
— a skeleton head (@Death_Buddy) May 2, 2016
FIRST PERSON TO GET A CAT: haha this thing is an asshole I’m gonna keep it
— tater tot bros (@thetits) May 3, 2016
(to my date after each preview at a movie) the actual film will be much longer than that
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 2, 2016
“Yea, when my mom fell down the stairs and broke her hip, we just shot her.” pic.twitter.com/7t197jKoD0
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) April 16, 2018
Congratulations on becoming a contestant on the Price is Right. Please, put on this clothing from 1979 and follow me.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) May 2, 2016
me chasing after the ice cream truck pic.twitter.com/uFh6F3ad7x
— batkaren (@batkaren) May 1, 2016
me finding the perfect pIaylist for my 5 minute drive to the store pic.twitter.com/qNwQXyL8GH
— b (@hoegenic) April 10, 2019
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.