Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago. Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Photographer: Ok. You two hold hands, & u, in the back, hold a gun to that guy’s head. Nice. I’ll add blush in post. pic.twitter.com/nE6TKV9nyP
— KattsDogma (@KattsDogma) April 26, 2016
COP: Describe the robber to our sketch artist
ME: He had one eye higher than the other and his lips on his forehead
PICASSO: I got this
— Mat (@MatCro) April 17, 2016
EARS: u hear that?
EARS: definitely someone downstairs
ME: probably just the cat
BRAIN: what if it’s a clown?
ME: I hate u
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 25, 2016
it’s called time travel maybe you will have heard of it
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) April 22, 2016
We spent so long pretending to be ironically self-absorbed assholes that we’ve forgotten we were joking.
— Wilde Thingy (@WildeThingy) April 21, 2016
Axl Rose or McDonalds Chicken Wrap? pic.twitter.com/0ZbPYJXzwA
— Ollie Garch (@ojedge) April 14, 2016
was about to say depression looks like me eating cereal, drinking wine and watching SVU at 9pm but that’s prob what happiness looks like too
— maura quint (@behindyourback) April 25, 2016
Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.
— Elizabeth is Ruined (@Elizasoul80) April 26, 2016
— Jeff (@usedwigs) April 26, 2016
[making small talk]
Me: I love your shoes
Person in next stall: [fart noises]
— Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) April 12, 2016
Farmer: I love my job
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) April 26, 2016
*makes the guy in the car next to me roll down his window*
I SAID IT LOOKS LIKE JAY-Z HAS A HUNDRED PROBLEMS NOW
— Rob Fee (@robfee) April 24, 2016
R.I.P. to my grandpa. He loved to grill, but he owed $ to Jabba the Hutt pic.twitter.com/YPoVZroXJp
— Craig (@craigrachel) April 25, 2016
[To the tune of Van Morrison’s “Moondance”]
🎶🎶It’s a marvelous night to have a massive panic attack because you think everyone hates you🎶🎶
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) April 26, 2016
Me on Monday vs me on Friday pic.twitter.com/R5Ni339Cvb
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) April 25, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.