Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Levels of crying:
My dog: r u ok
My dog: let me sit by u
My dog: Im not paid enough for this shit bye
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 18, 2016
WIFE: Carol’s hubby gives her flowers EVERY day. I’d LOVE u to do that
ME [giving Carol flowers] No I don’t get it either
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 3, 2016
If you text “are you upset?” to your girlfriend then her typing bubble starts disappearing then reappearing, you already have your answer.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) May 17, 2016
Ah yes, ‘Jurassic Park 3’ on the Independent Film Channel. One of the true indie classics.
— Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) May 13, 2016
[i feel a rock in my shoe so i take it off and a sword falls out] ah yes just as i suspected
— a bird (@i_eat_fruit) March 16, 2016
6 minutes after walking into Sephora pic.twitter.com/5ah3bOmDJs
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) May 14, 2016
I updated my dating profile using info from adoptable dogs.
I like hugs. Don’t bring kids under 10 around me. I need to drop a few pounds.
— Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) May 17, 2016
Enough golf. Time to terrify some kids https://t.co/884YZfxvFS
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) May 18, 2016
DOG 1: Let’s make a break for it
DOG 2: isn’t there an invisible fence?
DOG 1: I don’t see one
DOG 2: OMG
DOG 1: OMG
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 2, 2016
spread out guys we’re looking for any clues, teeth, hair… pic.twitter.com/HyCbbyyHM3
— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) May 12, 2016
“wait no go back. put a hashtag on suspenders. i want the teens to be able to talk about suspenders” pic.twitter.com/5nJPkuqNgu
— jon hendren (@fart) May 18, 2016
i’m laughing all the way to the bank because i’m gonna try and deposit a tomato
— Nope Jessie (@jessienope) May 17, 2016
Some people strive for excellence at their jobs and then there are the people who name things in this town pic.twitter.com/rzLAyb8l34
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) May 17, 2016
Stop fat-shaming trucks pic.twitter.com/rTf2wMaVZ9
— REW (@therealeatwood) May 16, 2016
Welcome to Hand Raising Phobia Club. Any questions?
Didn’t think so.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) May 12, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.