— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) May 1, 2018
kate middleton after pushing out a whole ass baby vs me after writing the title of an essay pic.twitter.com/KIb48X5tfU
— Gena-mour Barrett (@SmileGena) April 23, 2018
waking up after sleeping with a tank top on pic.twitter.com/D78EA7NgNF
— nana (@peachy____queen) June 17, 2018
Dear Amazon, I bought a toilet seat because I needed one. Necessity, not desire. I do not collect them. I am not a toilet seat addict. No matter how temptingly you email me, I'm not going to think, oh go on then, just one more toilet seat, I'll treat myself.
— Jac Rayner (@GirlFromBlupo) April 6, 2018
[me discovering a new species of spider]
ME: it has long legs. I will call it the long legs spider.
*spider smacks my ass*
ME: on second thought
— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 22, 2018
other girls wearing low ponytails: smart, classy, professional, beautiful
me wearing a low ponytail: will turner in pirates of the caribbean
— big saint nick energy (@kxthleen) January 3, 2018
For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all im sayin. the choice is yours
— Kendra Leigh (@kendraaaleighh) October 11, 2018
my coworker is currently telling me about how her boyfriend stuffed a xanax up her ass last night & i just really don’t wanna work at fucking applebee’s anymore
— P✨ (@paige_leblanc) November 2, 2018
My husband is in his first year of teaching elementary school math.
Every night he comes home, takes a long swig of soda water, stares into the middle distance and says,
"The amount of cuteness I see on a daily basis…you just can't fathom it, Kaitlyn"
— Kaitlyn Greenidge (@surlybassey) November 7, 2018