There are tons of funny women on Twitter.
These women write tons of funny tweets.
We sift through all of these tweets (yes, every SINGLE one if my boss is reading this).
Then we take the best ones and we slap them right here in this list. You are welcome.
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
which one of my flatmates is cooking a single chicken nugget … i cba pic.twitter.com/O1rxacxA2o
— holly (@holly_warcup) May 1, 2019
“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Panera.” pic.twitter.com/s3mnaodd0k
— Jah. (@Jeesa_Jay) May 2, 2019
i'm whichever meyers briggs type loses interest in finishing the test halfway
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 1, 2019
The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I'm 80
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 30, 2019
I fucking hate my friends pic.twitter.com/9AW5ZFMzdX
— Mear (@issamariumali) April 30, 2019
Owned by my boarding pass pic.twitter.com/3RWiWogPWL
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) May 3, 2019
*shows up 45 minutes late for my interview to be a cable installer*
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 1, 2019
[dipping my feather quill into the inkwell and adjusting my spectacles] dearest diary, it seems the day is different but the shit remaineth the same
— kaci sue who (@kacisuewho) April 30, 2019
You had 2 hours to put your shoes on… https://t.co/TDGYz2vwr1
— regn (@itsregn) May 1, 2019
every shirt Anthony Michael Hall wears in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS looks like something I would willingly spend $65 on from Madewell pic.twitter.com/WCn95VNyqe
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) May 2, 2019