Emily
16.
If you're on the fence about having kids, I suggest you listen to the same youtube clip for five days straight, then see how you feel.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) November 12, 2018
17.
It’s like a Murder Mystery Dinner, except it’s my kids giving their individual accounts of how, why and when the toilet became permanently clogged.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 15, 2018
18.
https://twitter.com/lolmyaaaa/status/1061439634742394882
19.
https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1070135112661114880
20.
My sister is in a sorority & honestly if I see one more post of how much she loves her “big” ok IM YOUR ACTUAL BIG SISTER SORRY I DONT WRITE U LITTLE NOTES ABOUT HOW YOU FELL FROM A RAINBOW & SPROUTED INTO A TULIP BUT I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO WEAR A TAMPON have some respect
— jaleigh (@jaleighavery7) December 7, 2018
21.
At my funeral I won’t need a coffin. I will be cremated from the neck down and my head will be on a stick. If you want to say anything about me you have to hold my head stick
— ◼️ (@anymorejake) December 8, 2018
22.
We can rebuild him; we have the technology. pic.twitter.com/Mi7dM2N3Qq
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) November 15, 2018
23.
[walk into bedroom only to find Mr. Peanut lying on my mattress]
me: w-who let you in here?
Mr. Peanut: you’ve been avoiding me, Michael
me: i told you we were through
Mr. Peanut: there are three nuts in this room, Michael [tosses his cane on the ground] let’s make a fourth
— Skoog (@Skoog) November 16, 2018
24.
https://twitter.com/brendandagawd/status/1047642571865034752
25.
In 1998 I *begged* my mom to buy me JNCO jeans.
She agreed, but only on the condition we do a photoshoot to prove to my future self how stupid I looked.
Look who's laughing now, mom. pic.twitter.com/guTjRSk31N
— Zach Kornfeld (@korndiddy) December 7, 2018
