Congratulations, you’ve survived yet another long and tiring workweek and are more than deserving of a relaxing weekend.
So, why not kick things off with some of the most hilarious tweets from women this week?
Here are all of the best jokes the ladies of Twitter had to offer. You’re welcome.
I just remembered the time I was dating a British man and I was annoyed at him about something so I deliberately made my tea in the microwave while staring him right in the eyes
— Alisha Rai (@AlishaRai) January 9, 2019
some of y’all have never had your siblings chase you around the house with a knife when your parents were gone for hours at a time and it rly shows
— alexis (@alexismarie21__) January 9, 2019
My grandmother has a new “friend” at her retirement community. He takes her shopping and to get her hair and nails done.
She told me that his wife doesn’t mind because she has Alzheimer’s.
— lahren (@laa_ren) January 7, 2019
I don't want clothes that spark joy. I want clothes in which I can pause in a doorway, look over a shoulder, and utter something devastating before exiting.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 6, 2019
After a heated discussion with Marie Kondo i’ve decided to throw myself in the trash.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 7, 2019
When will Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson get the recognition it deserves as one of the greatest love songs of our generation
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) January 8, 2019
Never trust anyone who can parallel park without having to turn down the radio.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 7, 2019
guy: whats your fantasy?
me/sexy voice: that you have a printer and we just spend all night printing off all these things i've been meaning to print
— Lane Morgue (@hellolanemoore) January 9, 2019
Sometimes I will get in the zone so good answering emails until I realize the sender and recipient are BOTH ME
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 9, 2019
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) January 11, 2019
Picture this. You’re blind folded. Sandra Bullock tells you not to look. You look. You’re surrounded by garbage and dirty socks. But how can this be? It smells amazing? This is a febreeze commercial.
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) January 6, 2019
everyone says society is so advanced but we still don’t have a word for all the exes that we never dated
— tiffany (@radioheadass) January 11, 2019
Tomorrow I am going to go to yoga 🤗 and when the teacher tells us to focus our energy on something we love 🤗 I am going to think about how the Always Sunny writers made Mac's full name Ronald McDonald 🤗
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) January 5, 2019
doctor: [points to ultrasound] congrats, it’s a baby girl!
me: [squinting] she looks unlikeable
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 5, 2019
any group of white guys could walk up to me and say they’re imagine dragons and i’d believe them
— nj (@guccislidez) January 10, 2019