Inside each of us is a little hypochondriac, convinced every ache, pain, and weird spot on our body is heralding doom. To make matters worse, there’s a nifty website called Web MD where you can type in your symptoms and get diagnosed with death. ER doctors everywhere would probably like to have the creators of Web MD shot into space, especially because of stories like the one writer Mark Shrayber shared with Twitter.
Shrayber says he went to the ER because “my legs have turned blue and Web MD says I have deep vein thrombosis.”
It turned out he’d just worn new jeans without wearing them and his skin was stained blue from the fresh denim.
Went to the ER because “my legs have turned blue and Web MD says I have deep vein thrombosis.”
Was this it? The big one?
No! I have the “dumbass who doesn’t wash his new jeans before wearing them” disease and I would like to be executed immediately.
— Mark (@MShrayber) January 25, 2020
Hilarious and embarrassing and also a very popular tweet! turns out there’s a Hypochondriac Twitter out there, and they all saw themselves in Mark’s situation. People started sharing their own “close calls” that ended up being nothing at all.
If you’re having anxiety over magenta poop, reading these funny hypochondriac tweets might help you relax. Though you should definitely go to the ER if you need to! Better safe and humiliated than sorry.
Went through a phase where I was seriously concerned I had a brain tumor or something because everything I ate – including things like pasta with marinara sauce- tasted like peppermint. Finally realized a bottle of peppermint extract had spilled all over my pots and pans
— Stephanie H. Damassa (@SLHDC) January 25, 2020
Had a dr apt two days ago bc my 2yr old had jet black poop. Turns out my 6yr old has been training him to play nice with Black licorice and Oreos…. like a lot of Oreos.. learned a lot about my kids only cost me $80 bucks and some embarrassment.
— A.Jay (@imhiding_goaway) January 26, 2020
When I was in middle school I sat my parents down to tell them I have cancer bc I had mysterious bruises all over my body. When they finally stopped laughing at me they explained that I sleep walk into a table every night.
— Karadelphia ♂️ (@KaraNextWeek) January 25, 2020
Oh god. Had a similar experience except it was Mountain Dew Code Red and I immediately wanted to be ejected straight into the sun. I panicked so hard I drafted a will lmao.
— sticks (@MojaveyBrandJam) January 25, 2020
My dad did this with me once because my hands were blue, turns out to was just from putting my hands in my pockets https://t.co/70NXfip0uf
— kc.jpeg ♀️♉ (@CaseySilvey) January 26, 2020
I made my mom bring me to the hospital cause my balls hurt. I thought I had testicular cancer, but they actually hurt because I masturbated 4 times In a row. https://t.co/2xfziFN1T5
— Bgl. (@BEGELTHROWEROWU) January 26, 2020
This sounds like me when I panicked thinking I’d coughed up blood, but then remembered I had eaten a red velvet cookie https://t.co/dfFZxjgRiO
— Annie (@anniebananie753) January 26, 2020
When I was a kid my mom took me to school for pre-K testing. Dressed me up in new pants, saddle shoes, cardigan, the works. She cried all day when they told her I’d be in special ed because of no motor skills. Dad had me retested in clothes that fit and I did much better.
— Followers in the Attic (@JCC_72) January 26, 2020
Same experience with my toddler’s diaper but what looked like a long blade of grass was actually asparagus
— T (@TirsaSmth) January 26, 2020
This also happened to my cousin and I in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. We thought we were cool drinking a piña colada out in the sun on the beach and we kept spilling it on ourselves accidentally and had brown spots for weeks on our legs, arms and abdomen!
— Lilly (@lamigon79) January 26, 2020