Masha
Babies aren’t for everyone.
Being around babies isn’t for everyone. While there are of course people out there who nearly melt at the sight of a newborn, there are also tons of folks out there don’t f—k with them at all. Neither is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’—it is what it is.
For me, it depends on the newborn. If they have Michelin Man wrists/ankles and give off a good vibe, I’m down. If they scream constantly and mean mug without cause, then nooooo thank you.
A couple of weeks ago, Twitter user Charlily (@charlee_buns) prompted Twitter to share revelations about newborns in a way that was both so controversial and so brave (though mostly so funny.)
“Let’s slander newborns,” Charlily tweeted frankly. “I don’t like their lil swoop hairdos.”
https://twitter.com/charlee_buns/status/1109532910061830145
In a similar vein, @CoachPSays this week asked the fine citizens of Twitter to slander newborns’ brothers- and sisters-in-arms, toddlers.
https://twitter.com/CoachPSays/status/1114535402944303104
The self-proclaimed “smoothie aficionado” and mom added a couple of subsequent tweets slandering her 3-year-old for his big feet and constant sticky affectation.
People were all too happy to roast the hell out of toddlers, starting with their abysmal hide-and-seek skills.
They’re also incredibly demanding and loud, taking up far too much space for someone so small. They don’t even contribute in any way! Just take, take, take.
And what’s up with them and food? Always begging for it yet somehow managing to miss their mouth with every bite.
Why they always smell like they do?
Why are they always lying?
Always so sloppy. It’s like they don’t even try.
All they do is argue and spill their food & drink at the table. 2yrs old and can barely hold a spoon but think they can tell me when enough is enough. Hmph!
— Miss Shawn! FKA @thepbg (@MsCaShawn) April 6, 2019
Why they can’t control their bodily functions. Nose always runnin, pamper always full, mouth just adroolin and when you try to help they get an attitude. The nerve!
— Alexyss K. Tylor, The Creator (@ABFlamboyant) April 6, 2019
They can’t go no where on they own, always need u to take them but never have gas or snack money! The nerve!!
— Baddie Labelle (@thiscantbmylife) April 6, 2019
https://twitter.com/HoeFucksGiven/status/1114570163481923585
Everytime I tell my son no he uninvites me to his birthday party lol. I have to remind him that I am the bank AND the party.
— Do Not Disturb. (@PaigeTheOG) April 6, 2019
Surprised to see nobody’s mentioned how terrible toddlers are at giving thumbs up. Try putting a thumb up and end up lifting half the fingers along with it.
h/t Twitter
