Several weeks ago, Twitter user Charlily (@charlee_buns) prompted Twitter to “slander newborns,” explaining that she, personally, doesn’t “like their lil swoop hairdos.” The responses were predictably perfect and hilarious.
Let’s slander newborns. I don’t like their lil swoop hairdos.
— Charlily (@charlee_buns) March 23, 2019
In a similar vein, @CoachPSays this week asked the fine citizens of Twitter to slander newborns’ brothers- and sisters-in-arms, toddlers. “Let’s slander toddlers for a bit,” she wrote. “Their hide & seek skills are trash. They hide in the most obvious places, with their big ass heads sticking out talmbout ‘you can’t find me’…”
Let’s slander toddlers for a bit. They’re hide & seek skills are trash. They hide in the most obvious places, with their big ass heads sticking out talmbout “you can’t find me”…
— Mom (@CoachPSays) April 6, 2019
The self-proclaimed “smoothie aficionado” and mom added a couple of subsequent tweets slandering her 3-year-old for his big feet and constant sticky affectation.
People were all too happy to roast the hell out of toddlers, starting with their abysmal hide-and-seek skills.
They’re also incredibly demanding and loud, taking up far too much space for someone so small. They don’t even contribute in any way! Just take, take, take.
And what’s up with them and food? Always begging for it yet somehow managing to miss their mouth with every bite.
Why they always smell like they do?
Why are they always lying?
Always so sloppy. It’s like they don’t even try.
All they do is argue and spill their food & drink at the table. 2yrs old and can barely hold a spoon but think they can tell me when enough is enough. Hmph!
— Miss Shawn! (@thepbg) April 6, 2019
Why they can’t control their bodily functions. Nose always runnin, pamper always full, mouth just adroolin and when you try to help they get an attitude. The nerve!
— Don Lemonade (@ABFlamboyant) April 6, 2019
They can’t go no where on they own, always need u to take them but never have gas or snack money! The nerve!!
— i’d rather be reading… (@thiscantbmylife) April 6, 2019
They yell a lot for somebody who can't throw hands
— Its Gay Time! (@HoeFucksGiven) April 6, 2019
Everytime I tell my son no he uninvites me to his birthday party lol. I have to remind him that I am the bank AND the party.
— P. (@PaigeTheOG) April 6, 2019
Surprised to see nobody’s mentioned how terrible toddlers are at giving thumbs up. Try putting a thumb up and end up lifting half the fingers along with it.
h/t Twitter