Alex Buscemi
LinkedIn sucks. The corporate world has forced people to constantly post weird, overpolite updates about jobs they couldn’t care less about. “Wow! Had such an exciting and informative time at the payroll associates luncheon!” Brenda did not have fun at the payroll associates luncheon. She just had to post about it because otherwise her boss would question her passion for being a tiny cog in a Fortune 500 machine — and she needs that health insurance.
If you ever find yourself unemployed, you’re forced to spend all day on that hell site, sending resume after resume to positions with hundreds of applicants. And as you desperately scroll, you’re bombarded with the most soul-sucking posts from a new brand of social media influencer: the LinkedIn Influencer. These are the people with dumb made-up job titles like “Sales Ninja” or “Chief Purpose Officer.” People who spout inane and generic advice about how they overcame so much to launch their successful startup that rents yachts to rich people, conveniently omitting how they received a multimillion-dollar cash injection from Daddy Dearest.
But a recent post from a wannabe LinkedIn Influencer is so terrible, so tone-deaf, so dystopian it’s hard to believe it’s not satire. When Bryan Shankman made an “inspirational” post comparing his marriage proposal to B2B sales, it went viral for reasons he didn’t intend — and now even other LinkedIn enjoyers are roasting his take. Scroll through for some primo cringe.
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