Lindsay
Here’s an easy way to make $1,000: make someone laugh. That’s a recent scenario posed to the r/AskReddit subreddit.
“A mysterious man approaches you, offering $1000 if you can make him laugh. What’s your joke?”
Everyone has their own joke repertoire, but does everyone have one joke that is strong and universal enough to make a random stranger laugh? Now, that’s a tough one.
Thousands of Redditors chimed in, with the post receiving 2.3K comments. The question is — are their jokes good enough for this “mysterious man?”
We’ll let you decide.
Here are 20 of the top laugh-out-loud jokes.
1. The “Jumpoline”
Trampolines were formerly known as Jumpolines until 1975 when your mom first used one.
2. Three nuns at heaven’s gates
3 nuns die and are met by an angel at the gates of heaven. The angel, standing behind a big bowl of holy water, tells them “if you have sinned, confess.”
The first nun says “I touched a penis with my right hand.”
The angel answers “Dip your hand in the water, and go on in.”
The nun does as told and passes through the gates to her afterlife.
As the second nun opens her mouth to speak, the third nun interferes:
“Can i just gargle some water before this bitch dips her ass in?”
3. My girlfriend’s dead dog
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
4. Meet my step ladder
“This is my step ladder, I never knew my real one”
5. A gay deer in a bar
A gay deer walks out of a bar and says “Man, I can’t believe I just blew fifty bucks.”
6. The 10-armed octopus
What do you call an octopus with two extra arms?
Ten tickles!
And then I tickle the shit out of the mysterious man, and while he’s distracted I run away with the money.
7. Pass the dam fish
A pastor coming home from church hears a boy shouting, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale!”
The pastor approaches him and asks, “Why are they called damn fish?”
The boy replies, “Because I caught them at the dam!”
The pastor is amused and buys three to take home for his family. He gets home and tells his wife, “Honey, cook the dam fish!”
She gasps and asks, “Why are they called damn fish?” The pastor explains he bought them from a boy who caught them at a dam. She laughs and proceeds to cook them for dinner.
As they are eating the pastor says, “Son, pass the dam fish.”
The son says, “That’s the spirit dad! Pass the f**king potatoes!”
8. A quiet Italian
Three western spies were captured and put in a cell in the Soviet Union: An English spy, a French spy and an Italian spy. First they interrogate the English spy, but he refused to speak. So they tie him up and torture him for two hours until he finally gives in and tells them everything he knew. Next, they interrogate the French spy who also wouldn’t speak, but after 4 hours of torture he also couldn’t take anymore and told them everything he knew. Finally, they interrogate the Italian, who also wouldn’t speak, so they begin to torture him. After four hours he still hasn’t spoken, so they continue torturing him for hours. After enduring a full 24 hours of torture, they give up and put him back in the cell. The other two spies are amazed and ask the Italian how managed to go on for so long without speaking. The Italian replies “I would have told them everything after just one hour, but I couldn’t speak because my hands were tied up.
9. A bear and rabbit doing business together
A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the forest.
The bear turns too the rabbit and ask:
“Do you have a problem with poo sticking on your fur?”
“No.” Answered the rabbit.
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
10. My ex-wife misses me
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
11. I blew chunks all night
A man was drinking, obviously way too heavily, in a bar one night. The next day he returned to the bar sat down and ordered a coffee. The bartender snickered and asked,” are you sure you don’t want another shot of whiskey?” Holding his stomach the man replied,” no, please, I drank so much last night that I went home and blew chunks all night long.” The bartender said, “see what happens when you drink too much, you end up throwing up all night.” The man replied.” no, you don’t understand, chunks is my dog”.
12. Childless Barbie
Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken came in a different box
13. A BMW and a hedgehog
What’s the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?
A hedgehog has the pricks on the outside.
14. A ham sandwich goes unserved
A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says “You’ll have to leave. We don’t serve food here”
15. The movie constipation
Have you watched the movie constipation?
(no, what’s it about?)
Well, it hasn’t come out yet.
16. The cost of a chimney
how much does a chimney cost?
nothing its on the house hahahahaha
17. A janitor jumps out of a closet
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
18. Smells like blue paint
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
19. I kicked my friend out of his home
I visited my friend at his new house. He said make yourself at home. I kicked him out. I hate having visitors
20. Two fish in a tank
There are two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says “how do you drive this thing?”
You can view the entire post here.
