Jason Mustian
Not gonna lie. I’ve been that guy. The one who can’t resist wedging a humblebrag into a story about ordering coffee. I’ve name-dropped celebrities who wouldn’t know me from a traffic cone, steered conversations back to myself like it was my job, and thought I was just being “confident.”
Spoiler: I wasn’t.
Psychologists say self-centered people aren’t necessarily bad (even if they’re narcissists)—they’re often just stuck in patterns that make them crave validation. But those patterns leak into the words they choose, and the rest of us can feel the shift when it happens. Once you start noticing the phrases, you can’t un-hear them.
1. “That reminds me of when I…”
Self-centered guys often treat your story as a launchpad for theirs. According to research on conversational narcissism, these “shift responses” redirect attention from you back to them, even if they’re not trying to be malicious. It’s not always about ego—it can be a habit picked up from years of competing for attention.
Still, it leaves the other person feeling like their experience got overshadowed. The subtext is, “Cool story, but let’s make it about me.”
Try instead: Ask a follow-up question before sharing your own story.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Politely hold the space. Say, “I’ll get to that, but I really want to finish what I was saying first.”
2. “I know a guy…”
This one sounds helpful, but it’s often a way to position themselves as a gatekeeper to information or people. Psychologists note that name-dropping and association can be a subtle form of status signaling, designed to raise perceived social value.
Sometimes it’s genuine networking. Other times, it’s an ego boost disguised as advice. You’ll notice it’s about who they know, not what those people actually did for you.
Try instead: Offer the connection without overemphasizing your role.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Accept the help if it’s useful, but mentally separate the offer from the person’s self-importance.
3. “I could do that if I wanted to.”
A classic defensive brag. It’s a way of claiming superiority without taking the risk of actually trying. Research on self-handicapping shows this protects ego by leaving achievements in the hypothetical.
It also dismisses the work others have done, as if success is just a matter of deciding to have it. This mindset undervalues persistence, skill, and experience.
Try instead: Recognize someone else’s skill without comparing it to yourself.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Redirect the conversation to the actual accomplishment—“Sure, but what do you think of the way they pulled it off?”
4. “I’m just built different.”
On the surface, it’s confidence. Underneath, it can signal a belief in their own exceptionalism that excuses them from rules, feedback, or empathy. According to narcissism research, feeling “special” can lead to dismissing others’ struggles as weakness.
It’s fine to acknowledge unique strengths, but when every challenge is met with “That wouldn’t happen to me,” it creates distance instead of connection.
Try instead: Share your perspective while showing curiosity about others’ experiences.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Challenge gently with curiosity—“What do you mean by that?”
5. “I’ve always been the best at…”
Even if it’s true, leading with your “best” quality can make every interaction feel like a résumé reading. Studies on self-promotion show it often backfires, making people like you less—even when your achievements are real.
This phrase frames identity around competition and ranking, which can be exhausting for everyone else. It also shuts down vulnerability, because it’s hard to admit weakness when you’re too busy being “the best.”
Try instead: Let others discover your strengths through your actions.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Respond with interest in the process, not the result—“How did you get into that?”
6. “Most people don’t get it, but…”
This positions the speaker as part of a select, enlightened group. It’s a subtle form of intellectual one-upmanship that can alienate others. Psychologists note that believing you “understand” more than others can inflate ego and harm trust.
Sometimes it’s meant to bond over shared niche knowledge—but it often comes off as patronizing.
Try instead: Share your insight without implying others can’t understand.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Ask them to explain—sometimes forcing clarity exposes the ego trip.
7. “I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
Sounds like confidence, but often it’s a shield. According to research on self-presentation, people who claim total indifference to others’ opinions still care deeply—they just don’t want to appear vulnerable.
It can be a way to avoid accountability or feedback. True self-assurance doesn’t require announcing it.
Try instead: Express that you value your own judgment without dismissing input from others.
If you’re a woman on the receiving end: Ask how they balance their own opinion with trusted advice.
My final thoughts
I’ve used every one of these phrases at some point, convinced I was just being confident or relatable. In reality, I was often looking for validation, dodging vulnerability, or steering the spotlight back my way. The thing is, self-centered language isn’t always intentional—it’s a habit that forms when we’re more focused on being seen than truly seeing others.
The good news? Once you notice these phrases, you can catch yourself before they slip out. You can replace them with curiosity, humility, and actual conversation. And if you’re on the receiving end, you don’t have to play along. You can redirect, ask questions, or simply let the silence do the work.
Self-awareness is free. So is letting someone else have the last word.