Emily
It’s the most wonderful time of the week, a time when we collect all of the most hilarious tweets we’ve seen so far this week and share them with you.
So, take a short (or long) break from work and enjoy some truly funny jokes on Twitter. You deserve it.
1.
{trying to fit in with my son’s friends}
yo what up fam you guys see all the dank memes haha ok i gotta go see if i got any faxes tell your moms i said yeet— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) December 12, 2018
2.
When my girlfriend makes me angry, I look at her through the fork and pretend she’s in jail. It heals me spiritually
— Chase (@mrmakethings) December 11, 2018
3.
I’m at the point in my life where I check my email as part of my social media line up
— Bai (@Bai_Golden) December 9, 2018
4.
What’s the dumbest shit you ever did as a kid?
My shining moment was when I was like 4? I put floaties on my feet and jumped into a pool thinking I’d walk on water. I almost drowned.
— M🎄 (@MotherOfDoggons) December 9, 2018
5.
About 5 years ago I worked in a restaurant and Ludacris came in, ordered spring rolls, and sent them back. When I apologized he said “don’t apologize, spring rolls are unpredictable.” I think about this at least once a week.
— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) December 9, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 13, 2018
6.
My nephew pulled a bowl of flour off the counter pic.twitter.com/LmzW3cLJur
— Jen Lewis (@thisjenlewis) December 10, 2018
7.
is that clown still inviting people into the sewer i’d like to spend the holidays there.
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) December 12, 2018
8.
Holidays are the most stressful time of the year, so remember: You CAN step outside. You CAN excuse yourself. You CAN say no to toxic dynamics. You CAN turn on Mambo No 5, take a dump in the living room, and then light the house on fire. It’s called self-care.
— Lauren Bans (@LaurenBans) December 12, 2018
9.
What they don’t show you on Family Feud is the losing family having to choose which family member to kill and sacrifice to Steve Harvey
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) December 12, 2018
10.
Last Christmas
I gave you some eels
And the very next day
You were killed by those eels— Yacht Rocker (@economybacon) December 12, 2018
