Naming your child can be a very fraught activity. In fact, I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t gotten flack from somebody about their child’s name. My family flew into confusion when I announced my son’s name (“like the Satan kid in that movie?”) in advance of his birth, and it made me wish I just kept it quiet until he was born. But I love my kid’s name and don’t regret it at all. However, some parents regret the name they chose for their children—and sometimes their kids hate it even more.
On Reddit, folks got candid about their regrets in naming their children—here’s looking at you, Karen’s mom.
“We were going to name our daughter Milena, but then I told my OB/GYN father what our decision was for the name. I kid you not, but he said, ‘That is a terrible name. You will regret it. It is very close to the medical term melena, and that means bloody tarry stools. You don’t want me to link her name with poop for her whole life, do you?’ So needless to say, Milena was out.” — roundmusic22
“My friend’s name is Sepfora, and she was named that before the popular make up company Sephora got big. It’s the greek version of the biblical name Zipporah (Moses’s wife).” — sirthisisreddit
“My parents couldn’t agree on a name, so they agreed that my dad would get to name me if I was a boy, and my mom would name me if I was a girl. My dad, in all his greatness, settled on Wolfman Jack. Yeah, thank god I was born a girl. Thanks, mom.” — Allxon
“My wife and I don’t like all the family politics of naming the children. Someone’s going to get bent out of shape because one family member got used and not another. So, we racked our brains to agree on a name not used on either side of the family. Didn’t announce the name until the birth. Neither my mother or father said anything for a year. Then, one day they casually mentioned the name of my uncle’s first son that I wasn’t even aware of. He had died at only 6 weeks old, 15 years before I was born. I don’t know that I regret the name of my son. But, it would have been crossed off the list of contenders had I known.” — rhymes_with_chicken
“Isis. Back when it was just an Egyptian Goddess (7 years ago). We don’t yell her name out in public anymore.” — JayeAus
“I was almost named Luke Sky. One guess as what my last name is. I honestly probably wouldn’t have minded much, I already took on a lot of flak in school anyway.” — vbcnxm_
“Well I don’t think they regret it or care but my name is Latina and I’m black. I always get asked about it and have to explain that it was completely arbitrary and I speak no spanish. Edit: to clarify, I’m not saying I have a Latin name, my name is literally the word Latina.” — rainrain_throwaway11
“My name is Jessica, which is the name my dad wanted. Mom wanted to name me Clarissa. I was born early and they hadn’t settled on a name, a nurse suggested combining them… the seriously considered naming me Clarissica. They had even decided my nickname would be Rissy. I am so glad Mom decided Jessica was fine, I never would have forgiven them.” — Jessilee113
“Before I was born, my dad wanted to name me Harley after his favorite bike, but my mom insisted that I needed a Bible name. At age 4 I chose a nickname for myself because I couldn’t pronounce this Bible name, but then as a teen I questioned my younger self’s choice and explored new nicknames, including Harley. When I brought this idea to my dad thinking he’d be pleased, he got red in the face and said, ‘I had to sell that bike to put you in school! It’s nothing to me now, just a random chunk of metal. You want to be named after a random chunk of metal? Fine! I’ll call you Crankshaft how about that!’ And he did, for like 2 years. I don’t know where the regret is in that story, but it’s somewhere.” — ENEBZILE
“As far as I know, my parents don’t regret my name, but it’s an odd situation…I was their first born, and my dad wanted me to be named Jerry, after himself. But we have 7 other Jerrys in my family…So they named me Jerry, but they decided, from birth, that I would go by Caleb (my middle name). I don’t mind, because I don’t like the name Jerry. But it makes things confusing at work, cause I don’t like to explain to everyone that I prefer to go by my middle name…So I usually just go by my first name at work.” — ynchronoussavagery