There are over-protective parents and then there are white racist parents who use the excuse of over-protectiveness to keep their kids from experiencing anything outside of their little xenophobic bubble. What’s sad is this dad who spoke to Danny Lavery of Dear Prudence about his “problem” might even think of himself as a liberal—but he clearly has some pretty f*cked up biases and he’s not embarrassed to flaunt them online.
The father wrote to say that his family’s BUBBLE (he literally calls them that) opened to include another family in COVID-times. His son Chris is nine-years-old and is best friends with a kid named Neil. Neil’s parents are both doctors and were born and raised in India. Chris ended up having dinner at Neil’s house a few nights before this frenzied message was written. This is what happened:
“When we came to pick up Chris, Neil’s mom recounted to me how much chicken curry and lentils and vegetables Chris ate. I couldn’t believe that they served my son spicy curries without even calling to ask us if that would be OK! I was taken aback and gently mentioned that spicy foods can be hard on small tummies, but it didn’t seem to register. Thankfully Chris didn’t get sick. My wife says to drop it because any conversation will look racial in nature and to only let the boys play at our place. Please help.”
Now, the dad doesn’t say their family is white, but that phrase about the conversation looking “racial in nature” is a pretty big tell that they just might be. Two doctors know better than to feed a kid something that will make them violently ill, and if there’s been no conversation about allergies or gluten-free anything, they probably fed them a normal, healthy meal. Just one that’s more popular in India than in whatever cul-de-sac this dad was raised in.
Some people have been saying this story is fake or a troll, but lots of others have chimed in to say that they experienced similar xenophobic reactions to their own family’s cuisine from white people:
Ppl are saying the dear prudence curry question is fake but I’ve had ppl tell me to my face that itd be “dangerous” for them to try my jar sauce jalfrezi bc they’ve never had the spices before yt bullshit knows no bounds
— WenNing my heart 💕 (@Wen_tomologist) August 11, 2020
dear prudence, my sons aidynne, breydyne, and caydenne went to a friend’s house and stayed for dinner. when their friend’s told me that they ate kholodets i became livid. was i wrong to keep her gelatin away from my children and never contact me again?
— святая рут (@sviataiaruf) August 11, 2020
I’m literally making Nigerian stew chicken (after seeing that Dear Prudence about the white guy mad an Indian couple fed his son curry), just happy that all members of the diaspora understand flavor.
— Quarantini, shaken not stirred (@PrecociousWC) August 11, 2020
Re: the Dear Prudence mishegas I would consider it borderline abusive parenting to NOT provide your child with access to Indian food if and when available
— bux (@blackanorak) August 11, 2020
same! and even then, toddlers can handle “spicy food” (meaning food made with a variety of spices) if they’ve been introduced to it over time. my toddler will take out a bowl of maa ki dal, he loves it! https://t.co/hQPiE8vVKa https://t.co/XLczwtktXr
— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) August 11, 2020
Yep. My immediate reaction would have been “how did you get him to eat so much?”
— Keith Campbell (@keithrcampbell) August 11, 2020
This headline reminds me of the time my friend’s mom pitched a fit when she found out my mom made us tandoori for dinner because her precious daughter was a picky eater with a delicate tummy and my mom calmly replied “she seems fine maybe it’s your cooking” pic.twitter.com/TMDPC1MxpL
— Alisha Rai (@AlishaRai) August 11, 2020
Imagine having enough fiber for the first time in your life
— John Argh (@JohnArgh) August 11, 2020
“Help, my neighbors introduced my child to a world of flavor and spice, and now we’re worried he won’t eat our white bread and potatoes.”
— Impeach and arrest everybody (@oldsourpuss) August 11, 2020
“Spicy foods can be hard on small tummies.”
So can racism and xenophobia, Chad.
— ThirtyBirdy™ (@10Plus20Birdy) August 12, 2020
Luckily, Lavery gave this guy the smackdown pretty hard in their response:
“At the risk of taking the bait, you must realize that millions of people (presumably both of Neil’s parents, not to mention Neil himself) regularly eat lentils and vegetables as children in perfect safety. There’s something so grotesque about the infantilizing language of “gently informing someone”—especially when that someone is “two doctors”—about “small tummies,” coupled with the racist horror that your 9-year-old ate and enjoyed a few servings of chicken curry, one of the world’s most popular and adaptable dishes. Not all curries are spicy, and not all spices pack heat; your son ate a meal he enjoyed (one you didn’t have to prepare or clean up after) and continued to enjoy good health for the rest of the evening. Neil’s parents didn’t take him to a ghost pepper festival and turn him loose. Your kid was not endangered by chicken curry, and your problem is not one that Neil’s parents can fix for you. Take your wife’s advice and let this go.
I agree that it’s not really the point, and part of me doesn’t even want to engage with the “spicy-heat” question because it’s so clearly a smoke screen for suspicion and resentment of Indian food in general. Your kid enjoyed some new food and expanded his culinary horizons. That’s a good thing, not reason to fall into a spiral.”
It’s not just small tummies that are sensitive. It’s this dad and his fear of anything more flavorful than a piece of Wonder Bread.
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