We all know it’s pretty unforgivable to steal candy from a baby. But does that also goes for stealing candy from a 12-year-old?
On Reddit, one mother is irate because her killjoy of a husband was caught swiping his daughter’s birthday candy.
The OP is now refusing to talk to her husband, but is she overreacting or does her husband need a serious talk about boundaries and bullying?
“My husband and I have a 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. My husband is the ‘no’ parent. For as long as I can remember he will say no in stores or sports games to the kid’s requests for snacks or toys, even if they offer to pay with their own cash. I don’t undermine my husband when we are together but when I have the kids alone, I do tend to say yes (within reason of course, and not to every single thing).”
The OP says it’s her daughter’s second birthday in lockdown, and she got her some special candy for her—two boxes of Swedish fish. Good choice! The OP’s daughter ate some of the Swedish fish and left the rest on her dresser to have later.
“I awoke to my daughter crying that her dad had eaten her second box of Swedish fish and some out of the first box and only left her with a few. I checked the trash in our bedroom and confirmed my husband had eaten them. I was FURIOUS. I screamed at him that he is a grown man who can go to the store and buy whatever the f**k he wants without anyone to tell him no. While he always says no to our kids and the rare time she gets to eat her favorite candy, his a** has to eat it.”
“He said we were both making a big deal over candy. I told him it was more than just candy, that he obviously doesn’t like seeing the kids happy, and he’s a thief. I took my kids with to my sister’s house to cool down, and bought my daughter more Swedish fish to make up for the ones that my husband stole. We’re still at my sister’s house a day later. Until my husband can truly apologize to his child, the thought of him disgusts me.”
Is the OP overreacting?
I mean, they are Swedish fish. I’d be pretty mad if someone ate my Swedish fish. Redditors were smart to note that this incident is definitely about more than candy.
“Reading between the lines here, but there seems to be dysfunction in your marriage that rises well above an AITA post on reddit. You’re obviously at the end of your tether with your husband’s behavior, which you have discussed with him numerous times in the past. Only to have him now do something this obnoxious to his own daughter and seeing absolutely nothing wrong with it. Some would say your behavior was over the top. More likely, this incident was just the straw that broke the camel’s back,” observed Mister_Silk.
“It’s not a big deal out of candy- it is a big deal because it’s about your children’s ability to trust and feel safe with you and at home. If you don’t treat your child like a person and just take from them whenever you want they won’t feel safe with you, they will live with constant worry that things they value can be taken away. How are you going to teach them to respect others if you don’t show them you respect them? Take what you want as long as you have the power to is a terrible lesson for them to pick up on. This is about so much more than candy,” said Music_withRocks_In.
“Yes, I get whatever belongs to the child belongs to the parent. But parents should respect boundaries. I don’t imagine it’s good for the child’s sense of self-worth if she grows up thinking that anything she has, her parents can take on a whim. Even something as inconsequential as candy. It’s not like the family was starving and he robbed her piggy bank to pay for food. This was just candy. Something he doesn’t need, but felt like taking because he could. Which makes him a bully. No, you’re not making a big deal out of this. Your husband needs to apologize to his daughter,” said Comfortable_Hotel684.
“NTA. This is a big deal, letting this slide teaches your daughter that her things are not hers and the only way to keep her things safe is to hide them from her Dad. He stole from his own child, his actions were disgusting and he owes your daughter an apology,” said RamblingManUK.
“I’m going to go out in a limb here and say this isn’t really about candy. Might be a stretch but from your description it sounds like a part of your husband likes the power he has over your kids to say no to them and do what he wants with their things just to show he can. Does he have positive interactions with them? Does he actually like them? I think you if you left just because of candy, yeah you went too far. But if it’s about the larger issue of him not being a trustworthy parent? NTA,” noted Nyankh.
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