Patricia Grisafi
Should you give advice to your friends about their children—if you don’t have children yourself? That’s the question one Redditor is asking after she worries she crossed a line by telling her friend it was not respectful to snoop through her son’s room and things. Seems like her friend was snooping in her son’s room, found a piece of clothing she did not like, and threw it out. She sounds like a super great parent!
The OP says she was having a Zoom hangout session with friends, when one friend, “Grace,” started saying she found “inappropriate” clothing in her son’s dresser. Apparently, the inappropriate clothing was a jacket with some skulls and metal studs, and it sounds absolutely awesome and I would be glowing with pride if my son grew up and got one of those, but Grace was upset. So she threw out the jacket and incurred her son’s ire.
Grace’s son is “17 years old and is genuinely a good kid from all my interactions with him, and I didn’t see what the issue was about that jacket. From what she told me, he bought it with his own money, but in her mind its ‘trashy clothing that only losers wear’ but…. here’s the thing, she had that style back in high school, like skulls on most of her clothing and even had a necklace with her moms blood in it, but ever since she became a born again Catholic she’s become a different person.”
“She was still venting to us, because she just couldn’t wrap her head around why her son was so mad at her. So after about a solid 10 minutes of being forced to listen to this, and admittedly I was a bit tipsy, I chimed up and said ,’you know, it’s kinda your own fault why he’s so mad at you, those jackets aren’t cheap i’m sure you’re well aware of since you had a similar fashion sense back in high school, just let the kid be a kid and experiment on his fashion sense. also, it’s weird you’re still snooping his room, ever heard about privacy?'”
The OP’s comments did not go over well. Everyone started yelling at her and telling her that since she doesn’t have kids, she has no idea what she’s talking about. “That one hurt a lot, since I’m infertile and they should know this by now,” the OP wrote.
“I called them all deluded, and the kid deserves his privacy and should be allowed to experiment on his sense of style. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have kids, I’m still a person.”
The OP hasn’t heard from her friends since the incident and is wondering if she overstepped. What did Redditors think?
“You gave good advice and she couldn’t handle not being right. Also if they insulted you that much i am sorry but you need new friends,” said GreenLion14.
“Like you said, the kid deserves privacy, and is rightfully mad at his mom for throwing out that jacket (which imo sounds like a cool jacket). You didn’t deserve to be shat on for voicing your opinions, don’t doubt yourself, you did the right thing in standing up for the kid against his pretty oppressive mom. What a hypocrite Grace is being, she even had the same sense of style back in high school,” said ttoastii.
“This woman needs wake up call, and fast. Her son being close to 18, may leave and never come back. Restricting your children from potential harmful things, fine. Restricting your teen from wearing a jacket with a skull is a whole other level of foolishness I can’t even comprehend. Also, I didn’t realize that you were a wall who was suppose to bounce her views only back at her. You brought up different points, which even if I disagreed with, (I don’t,) they weren’t rude or inconsiderate. Your friend needs to realize she has a teenager who is able and capable to make their own decisions. As long as they don’t need a parent to advocate, or guide them, she needs to accept that there will be differences,” explained andreaak88.
“I’m 31 F no kids, so I don’t know about things like this yet….but I’d say if her kid is 17 shouldn’t she have fostered some trust with him by now? Why was she snooping in his bedroom anyway unless she suspected something serious like drug use or the like. I assume he’s about to finish up high school and move on to college and start his adult years, so he’s going to be doing a lot of personal growth and experimentation. I’d say she should just let that happen and not be so nosy. By snooping she’s only ruining the trust bond they could have and injure their future relationship because he could easily cut her off later on. Anyway, NTA because we’re all entitled to our opinions… and your ‘friends’ got very inconsiderate with you knowing your fertility status and weaponizing that info to use against you. That was an AH move on their part,” said mletheone.
“A lot of people get the line about ‘you’re not a parent so what do you know?’ The preferred answer is: ‘I’m not a pilot but I know there’s something wrong when I see a helicopter upside down in a tree.’ Good for you for standing up for the kid. In a few years she’ll be on one of those estranged parents’ forums wondering why he son has cut her off, because she’s a wonderful mother,” said freerangelibrarian.
